walls apples and bright eyes

As I wrote 'bright eyes' above in my title  I thought of Garys eyes that open every time I walk into the room no matter how quiet I am. And my journal page I have just completed with rabbits scattering all around my head. When I created it I was more thinking of all my thoughts scrambling and trying to hang onto to too much information in my head. Felt Like I had a head full of rabbits. But now Water-ship Down has just popped up. Makes sense.
Gary has stabilized 'just' after another dip and we have had a good two days. There is more and less of him every day.
I hit the wall yesterday,everything got too much.I just wanted to go home and take Gary and have my life and family back. At times it is like being a mouse in maze and I keep taking the next turn and finding another another wall and an obstacle to figure out and the maze is getting smaller and the problem bigger. Not fun having meltdowns in front of an audience.I am usually in my vege Garden or out walking the dog. Those options not available at the moment
The thing is I cant keep everything together as I would like it and life will be completely different and not as I have known it for 27 years and I dont want it. But what do you do. You keep on walking toward that Narnian door with God holding your hand and praying. So many Narinaian doors and forests in our lives for so many different reasons.

Grateful for Apples-thanks Lynn and Gavin( lovely to see them)
A Laden Basket from Timaru that Brightened Garys day as I had had a parcel in the morning and he was feeling like he needed one and one arrived xx
Grateful for Nurses who remain patient with me when I am myself and not coping as well I think I should.
Whanau
Cute little M and M Fan that mum bought in for gary to create some air flow