Autumn

Just put a pot of coffee on. Bathroom cleaned, kitchen tidied-vacumm lined up. Feeling settled and quiet in the house. Gaz on the couch happily watching the footy and eating fresh egg and tomato on toast. He has his happy face on.
It has been a good week in many ways. Early last week Gary awoke with significant pain in his right side (chest). He told me 8-9 on the pain scale (out of 10) he usually sits at about 1 and needs extra relief at 3-4.So 8-9 is a an alert. It was in the same spot where we knew a tumour was sitting and it was the one that had him in Hospital last year -May on Ketamine (horse tranquilizer) so it was one to take seriously. Good news from my perspective is that I felt I had the tools to manage it and knew what to do. I felt confident with the drugs and understood them. Also had the telephone support of the hospice and local GP .
The best thing was that Gary trusted me and we stayed home and it was managed successfully. It took a couple of days as we had to see where it was all going but on Thursday morning Gaz woke and said the pain was everywhere again. Now this probably sounds nuts but its a good sign as it means the chest pain had abated back to join the rest. The GP came and checked in and increased his meds which at this stage again has sorted it.
Gary was going through these adjustments every week at the hospice until the last four which have been relatively stable.
Girls have been down to visit every few days since we have been home, lots of meals and warm bodies. Zach cruising about. We chopped and stacked wood yesterday with Gary supervising some chainsawing. Both boys did well..one teaching patiently and one listening :-). I hid in the Garage and popped out every one and then.

Since being home
Made; Tomato relish
Tomato Sauce
Strawberry Jam
 a mango chutney substituting pears
more jam
and some more sauce on the Go.
Hurrah for Autumn
Today for lunch we are looking forward to Mushrooms delivered last night from a savvy gatherer. YUM my favourite

Home

We have decided - well Gary has decided ( as it is his choice)  to stay home.

 I am feeling a bit calmer today after some sleep. I packed up most of our stuff from the Hospice yesterday, grabbed the dog and spent the afternoon unpacking. Still not finished sorting but getting there and after having slept for the first time since being home (both of us). I feel a new person.

We have no idea how long this oasis will last and are mindfully living each day. Gary is mindfully watching sports TV and eating chocolate and I am mindfully gardening, housecleaning and cooking. Actually in the last few days that is not quite the truth as my mind has been frantic. Not really with too many thoughts of future or past but with what I needed to do.  I am starting to chill again and intend making some Art this afternoon. It will put me back in the Zone .

 Grateful grateful for more unexpected time. And spectacular weather.Everyone keeps talking about the amazing summer, but it has passed us by and I havnt been in it at all.

We are at home with an O2 concentrator and spare bottles for car trips, but other than meds (which are now simpler than before) its not too complicated. The one thing I shall have to start doing is asking for help when I need it. Gary is great at asking for help but not me.I tend to be a Donkey and just do it. But the expression it takes a Village passed by me three time yesterday and that is a sure sign for me to listen.

It is always hard to know when it is time to ask though. Often when I need it it is an awkward time and the moment passes quickly. But I shall pay attention.

Home Home

Well here we are at home. Didn't think it would happen but hurrah it has. It is magic being here. I have gone into overdrive a bit, doing stuff and cooking as I have been on hold with the house for long. But it is long over due for an Autumn clean out. Clutter spiders etc. Feels good.
We have leave from the hospice until Tuesday morning when we will decide whether to stay home or not. At this stage Gary has decided he does which I am very pleased about.
There is a bit to sort out if this happens and at the moment I feel as If I am inbetween and waiting for a sign or something which I suppose I am. Something to indicate one way or the other. It again is a matter of living day to day and making the most of them.
Gary has been very withdrawn the last couple of weeks at the hospice and convincing him to be here was a mission. But now he is here, he sees he can do it and likes it. If we stay it will involve cutting  the very large and comforting apron strings of the hospice. We are able to go back if  needed which is reassuring for both of us. We were both very well cared for in all ways. It was a unique experience that has grown me in many ways and developed empathy for people in care situations. It has been tricky at times. The last week I could feel myself getting itchy feet and it took me all my patience to stay there. I prayed so hard one night as all I wanted to do was run out the the door home(gary with me) and I had to wait.
The nurses will get some well deserved peace and quiet as I 'interacted' with them quite alot.:-)
So far Gary has been reading his book,sitting out on the Veranda, watching movies. He has also tidied the kitchen and made me a cup of tea:-D.First one in 10 weeks .Its a milestone and known as an act of love in our house. Bring it on I say. Cats are very happy and will pick up wee dog soon.He may not be so happy to come home as he loves his new people and home.
We will see, I will bribe him with Smackos