Saturday, September 21, 2013

Seed Bombs

My sister gave me a ball of clay last year that was packed with seeds.
The idea is to biff it out of the car window, as you tootle along and a spattering of flowers will grow where the ball lands.
Last night I got muddled with my words and I used the word Encouragement Bomb to describe something.
My friend twigged and said 'oh you mean Random Acts of Kindness'  and yes thats what I was thinking of,  but I am quite taken with the idea of an encouragement bomb.
To place courage in someone like wildflowers -  that will spring up year after year and regenerate clay banks - stop slippage, feed birds, bees and provide beauty.
So all you gardeners out there, redress your selves in your encouragement bombing outfit and go forth and sprinkle some seeds. x

This image taken from

Friday, September 20, 2013

Paradigm shift

This week is coming to an end with the phrase Paradigm shift echoing in my head. Still thinking on that one. I remember being at Art school when the phrase was popularized.
This week - thinking and worlds within worlds shifted slightly in our household. Beautiful collisions in retrospect.
There is some talking and there is some listening from the kids and from me. It isn't a lightening strike change but more of an awakening and a settling all at once. Some good soul work has been done.
I was going to write again about weeping - that hasn't changed. I thought about the nature of it, its purpose, but mainly just wept and got on with life.
I read a comment on Anne Lammots blog from this woman who would find herself sobbing in her husbands clothes and then be able to go out and get the mail and answer the phone and that is how it is. We go on and we function and the tears become part of our daily fabric along with salty skin.

Yesterday I managed a bike ride and sawed all the branches of the tree that fell in the wind. It felt great  to move my much quieter, I have planted a few things and are looking forward to a bath (poor muscles).
The pear is coming out in all its blossom glory and I am trying to write to write a letter of intent for Art Therapy, I can talk it up and talk about it and write to myself all the good words but when it comes to formalizing intent I have a slight resistance. I am paying attention and working on that. Its not about the work..maybe the money to be spent (of course). I am the only one to give permission and I am ultimately responsible..whew.
And the travel, which I will actually enjoy but the leaving home and being by myself..doing this alone.I have always travelled with Gaz.
Permission and courage to do what I want and what I need to do.
I heard someone say ( on tele :-) 'if you aren't scared you aren't sticking your neck out far enough'
Well my neck is like a long necked goose..Honk

Monday, September 2, 2013


So many things in my head to write about. I write for myself and in order to understand, along the way its seems to be reaching others. I have looked at few blogs recently where people are writing in their own voice and telling their story. I find I take something from it each time and connect.

I mowed the lawns over the past two days. Both mowers have been out of action and I just got the hand one fixed. Such a relief as it was haymaking time on my front lawn. I went for a huge bike ride yesterday (well for me). First time back on my bike since I bought it and walked the dog. He was so excited ..poor Mango does it hard when I work.
What I worked through yesterday was turning down work. I was rung in the morning and could have gone in for four hours. Its was a Sunday and the pay is better plus I feel an obligation being casual. I was anxious for about two hours after saying no.
 I need to keep reminding myself I am casual for a reason. Rest and repair repair.
I would have forgone my exercise day which felt crucial -now just sore:) - but good.
The sense of having to be responsible for everything, for myself, for the house is huge. I have had the best mate, we balanced each other perfectly in what we took care of.

I muddle and muddle and remember to trust and have faith and that God is good.

I am thinking about Art Therapy training next year. I need to do some further training to get to where I need/ want to be and it makes sense. It is in Auckland but low residency which means distance learning,  plus weekend workshops.
I have stalked their site for a few years and it feels like the right thing. There are two start dates.
Feb and July. Decisions to be made.
I am not giving up Nursing but will need to figure out how to bring my training more into the picture as I need a placement where Art therapy is part of it.

My word for the week is Permission and yes a capital P.  I now need to give this to myself in every day and way..small decisions and big decisions and be ok with it. I am used to discussing with Gaz and permission coming that way. Self care and owning it is a learning curve.
Permission to make mistakes, accept them and move on. Permission to blab and not hold a grudge against myself for saying stupid things, permission to hole up and rest. Socializing is tiring. Permission to do what is needed. Permission to say no to work when I am tired and feeling yuck..courage to say yes when I want to hide. A big bouquet of permission slips.

Flowers from the clever Catie