Permission

So many things in my head to write about. I write for myself and in order to understand, along the way its seems to be reaching others. I have looked at few blogs recently where people are writing in their own voice and telling their story. I find I take something from it each time and connect.

I mowed the lawns over the past two days. Both mowers have been out of action and I just got the hand one fixed. Such a relief as it was haymaking time on my front lawn. I went for a huge bike ride yesterday (well for me). First time back on my bike since I bought it and walked the dog. He was so excited ..poor Mango does it hard when I work.
What I worked through yesterday was turning down work. I was rung in the morning and could have gone in for four hours. Its was a Sunday and the pay is better plus I feel an obligation being casual. I was anxious for about two hours after saying no.
 I need to keep reminding myself I am casual for a reason. Rest and repair repair.
I would have forgone my exercise day which felt crucial -now just sore:) - but good.
The sense of having to be responsible for everything, for myself, for the house is huge. I have had the best mate, we balanced each other perfectly in what we took care of.

I muddle and muddle and remember to trust and have faith and that God is good.

I am thinking about Art Therapy training next year. I need to do some further training to get to where I need/ want to be and it makes sense. It is in Auckland but low residency which means distance learning,  plus weekend workshops.
I have stalked their site for a few years and it feels like the right thing. There are two start dates.
Feb and July. Decisions to be made.
I am not giving up Nursing but will need to figure out how to bring my training more into the picture as I need a placement where Art therapy is part of it.

My word for the week is Permission and yes a capital P.  I now need to give this to myself in every day and way..small decisions and big decisions and be ok with it. I am used to discussing with Gaz and permission coming that way. Self care and owning it is a learning curve.
Permission to make mistakes, accept them and move on. Permission to blab and not hold a grudge against myself for saying stupid things, permission to hole up and rest. Socializing is tiring. Permission to do what is needed. Permission to say no to work when I am tired and feeling yuck..courage to say yes when I want to hide. A big bouquet of permission slips.

Flowers from the clever Catie