tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-52832157670644500452023-11-17T01:43:52.604+13:00KAT Activities of Daily LivingWhat I do what I am thinking about..where my creativity is atKAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.comBlogger264125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-2763884346649014212015-12-10T20:28:00.000+13:002015-12-10T20:28:14.430+13:00Sun flower<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So it is December...the third Christmas
without Gary bursting in the door on Christmas Eve sweeping me up with a
come-hither look saying ‘Baby its holiday time…what can I do? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Holidays are so good and essential for
connecting with your significant others.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">I am making Christmas dinner this year at
my house as I have done for so many years in the past except for the last two. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am looking forward to connecting with my
family and cooking for them. I have yet to put the tree up but hopefully with
the return of a girl home this weekend it will happen. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><o:p> </o:p></span>I am also slightly restless, I have just
finished my dissertation, which was a mammoth piece of writing and
self-therapy. Today I am flat fish because of the finishing and letting go. This year has been
challenging to get through study wise… I truly didn’t think I would be sitting
here saying I am finished for the year and I completed it</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I now know the value of doing your own work
and it is critical to do this, if you wish to live a whole-hearted life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This doesn’t necessarily mean that life gets
any less painful, but it does mean that you get to make mistakes, own them and
walk in your own integrity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This coming year for me holds decisions on
where to live next, as I will be selling the house. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What work to do and where?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I start my clinical year in Arts therapy and
need to work as an Arts therapist. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
have a few ideas and plans of my own…but they will be self generated and self
starting so take energy…here’s hoping I can fill my tank in this brief summer
on offer. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">Something I am thinking about yet again is
the gratitude list which I have started and stopped so many times…I am thinking
each day until Christmas I shall look for something of beauty to take a picture
of and acknowledge at least one thing I am grateful for and why and post up on
face book (of course).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One thing I have liked
since the media spotlight on the Paris bombings is the human spirit of resilience that has shone
through in creating a counter balance to fearful living.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I would like to send this challenge out to
anyone who reads this and wants to join in…not sure how to connect all the dots
with this so we can all see each others offerings...if anyone has any bright
ideas? Feel free…maybe we all just stick to adding onto the same post?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">The only way to effect change is through
ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The answers are never found
in someone else or from the outside, they come from within and by seeking and
looking deeper into who we are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not in a
narcissistic way but in a explorative and honouring way, acknowledging and
getting to know ourselves in our entirety and accepting all parts including our
shadow.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Stephanie Dowrick when discussing about the
beginnings of self says that the self-love aspect of narcissism in childhood is
a necessary part of development, and that this is the essential component we
need to carry through into adulthood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Self-love that, is really seeing all of who we are and accepting it,
it’s a hard ask at times when we stuff up, but worth working on.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have days or moments in the day when I
know this and the next day I might be tired (or hung-over), at these times, this
feeling absents itself, I am learning to recognize these moments too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Another piece of wisdom this time from Nietzsche
which has held me through darker days is<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>‘When we are tired, we are undone by things we conquered long ago’. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This year has gone whizz bang…lots of
processing growing and learning. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My two
girls are home for a week or so around Christmas (lucky me). Lots of gardening
to do and organizing for next year…and painting..this one is nearly finished..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Happy holidays and summer to all you
beautiful folk who are in my life or passing through..xx<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-16850411471904390912015-05-23T15:43:00.000+12:002015-05-23T20:37:42.485+12:00Stations<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUkLJzLZwe9Lq1YW2LkrHxcKnih6c8wZ07ZgaOt2s4eCR30I3qMwjzCVuNvWLm7Un9wNzc5BqYutDcLYQ2GxI7CS75GEwAyXGN1NFn-9VKXQRIXpl_sgk7jjZjEqdl7fxdp4UMk6KOGS8/s1600/Kathryns+Graduation+Art+%252816%2529.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiUkLJzLZwe9Lq1YW2LkrHxcKnih6c8wZ07ZgaOt2s4eCR30I3qMwjzCVuNvWLm7Un9wNzc5BqYutDcLYQ2GxI7CS75GEwAyXGN1NFn-9VKXQRIXpl_sgk7jjZjEqdl7fxdp4UMk6KOGS8/s320/Kathryns+Graduation+Art+%252816%2529.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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At times I get caught by the strangeness of
my life. At some point there was a map etched out of how it might look. Not a
heavily inked map, but traces, roads, some signposts indicating direction. Gary
and I working part –time, travel at some stage, weddings on the lawn, possible grandkids.</div>
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<span lang="EN-US">While driving up the road to Timaru last
week I passed the Shag point picnic spot where Gary proposed. An image and the
feeling of that young girl who I once was rose up and stayed with me strongly.
At the time of the proposal it was cold and dark and we had already told Alison
and Ray that we were engaged, but somehow along the way we worked out that
there was no official proposal. So Gary in true Gary fashion stopped the car at
Shag point and said he needed to get out to pee. He asked me to keep him
company (and no I didn’t think this was strange). I was reluctant because of
the cold, but got out of the car. As soon as I got out he dropped to one knee
and said ‘will you marry me’ I pretended to joke and said yes yes now lets get
in the car. Inside I was secretly pleased but didn’t know how to say that. We
always tooted on the way up and down the road passing it. A tradition was
started.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
I reflected as I travelled up the road this time was all the different parts of
us that we carry around…the stories the memories, the bodies and the people
that travel with us. In that moment as I came down the hill and the sea opened
out before me…time stilled and all of those things were present. It was
unsettling and settling at the same time, not a space to make sense of, but one
to sit in and be with. It was a split second and a life-time. I also thought of
how many years it took me to honestly communicate my feelings and emotions
instead of avoiding, bottling and then over-sharing far too emotionally, and
how wasteful all that was. I am grateful for the opportunity afforded to Gary
and I for the chance to practice just this, let the dross go and really see
each other clearly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">While in Timaru, I walked down a street filled with Banksia trees. The Banksia has been my symbol tree for a while, I
like how they regenerate after fire, that they flower in winter and Tui seek
them out. On returning to where I was staying, I smelt cinnamon as I walked
past the hospice and remembered why they burn essential oils. I can’t remember place
names at the moment (brain overload from study) but I can remember that. The scent
of cinnamon and knowledge of death sitting with me. No real reason for
mentioning this other than the night was warm, I was relaxed and happy to have
been walking and then the smell of cinnamon essential oil, which bought
different stories together in the same frame. Holding all parts of self.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">This holding all parts together is where I
sometimes trip up. The trouble with communication and relationship is that we
always bring ourselves with us and as I have discovered recently my past selves
are quite noisy, they rise up with their own narrative demanding attention and
creating more stuff for me to work through. A constant process of passing
through the eye of a needle and feeling the need to be brave. My wee scared
tired self has been claiming a lot of space lately. It’s time for confident Kat
to come back, the one who can own her own life with confidence, build her own
dreams and trusting in the process of their creation.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">This year I have met and am dating someone .
This unexpected happening has spiraled me in all directions, tipped me up and
made me question and look for answers to so many things I thought I had dealt
with. I realized after Gary died that a huge amount of my identity and
confidence came from being in relationship with him and my role in the family.
When that changed I lost a sense of who I was, how I did things and in a way
what mattered. From what I have read about grief this is not unusual. I also became
aware that I developed a number of very slack habits, things I would never have
allowed, I noticed them but thought really who cares? It’s just me. After 23 years
of raising kids and being strict ,I felt a little tired. Hana commented at the
bench recently that she was glad. This said with a smile and she said she
wished I was less strict when they were younger. Funny isn’t it, there is
always the feeling that you are not doing enough and that strictness and
manners will somehow keep them safe. I do like seeing them be polite though and
meet and greet properly. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US">So here I am unexpectedly in a new
relationship and facing myself in what I feel is my ‘unglory’. I feel like a
lab rat with a dozen ears turned outwards for the slightest anomaly. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have had to get over myself big time, get
over the feeling I was having an affair, accept my aging body (the biggest
hurdle- still working on that one), and am learning to communicate all over
again with a new person in healthy way. So much of communication in a long-term
relationship relies on body language or the unspoken. In a new one these things
need unpacked. I have reverted at times to communication styles I haven’t used
in years and not good ones. It seems as if they were waiting in my memory closet
just to jump out and trip me up. Or at least remind me that I don’t want to go
back there. It has been good learning but boy so much of it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is very weird, painful and lovely
simultaneously.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am back again with Brene Brown, rereading
her words on shame and vulnerability and learning to live with all of ourselves
in order to live a wholehearted life. Starting to work out what it means to practice
self - compassion and self- love. When I get that right well… I will let you know;
think it might be a lifetime project.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And if you are wondering… of course he
is very lovely (and very patient). I
know for a fact that I have excellent taste in men and the person I am seeing
is no exception to that rule.</div>
KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-63149414162210201882015-02-03T12:45:00.002+13:002015-02-03T23:01:25.295+13:00AlchemyI have a few things on my mind…really Kat? I can hear some of you say.<br />
<br />
After living in one way for so long, this summer I have been with multiple feelings that have arrived after many months of absence. So in order to help me sort through these feelings, I journaled and started biking again(a lot ☺)<br />
I have been using my dominant hand to ask a question and have been answering it with my non-dominant. My non-dominant left is more compassionate and wiser it seems.<br />
My wise self (left hand) reminded me that there are seasons in life and at the moment it is spring and to enjoy it. Before long summer makes an appearance and winter arrives again…the message was to enjoy the moment, however long that moment might be. Sometimes that means being fully present where you are at, other times it means acknowledging, holding and paying attention to the season you are in. A timely reminder for me to rejoice in this day the Lord has made and practise yet again keeping fully present.<br />
Spring as a season is long awaited after winter and as the first shoots push through the ground we become hopeful. It is also changeable and unpredictable, storms arrive bringing high winds, extraordinary blossoms, daffodils and snow. It is a mixed season of hope and perseverance as lambs are born amidst unpredictable temperatures. Down south it can seem like a perpetual spring with no hope of summer actually arriving at all. In the Disney movie of Bambi - spring is all the animals going silly and getting as Macker puts it- getting ‘love fluttered’ as they gamble and bat eyes.<br />
All of life has arrived this month, hooting like a paradise duck and landing like one too water spraying out either side. A life jackets feel mandatory.<br />
In my last post I talked about my party feeling Narnian. In my minds eye, I saw a door to summer, an end to a challenging but successful year, and I guess hopefully a lighter heart stepping into the next year. Well, I have just re-read the Lion, the witch and the wardrobe by C.S Lewis. What I had somehow missed was that the land of Narnia was in winter for a very long time. Spring came when the children entered Narnia through a doorway and Aslan returned. There is a part in the book when the children are walking as the woods wake up and the snow starts to melt, they notice the bluebells and kingfishers, they smell the freshness of the earth. A kingfisher lives in my gum tree at the bottom of the garden and calls out most of the day. They sometimes flash past me when I am biking in all their iridescent glory, they are quite a sight.<br />
In a sermon from January, the reading was from Ecclesiastics and reflected on time and its purpose..a time to mourn, a time to dance. It was also about making the most of the time you have and being mindful of how you spend it. The idea of fruitfulness and allocating time arose, for without plans we drift to a lesser place (for me sometimes Facebook).<br />
<br />
Living this season whether an actual one or whether it the spring of our life reminds me once again of a favourite poem ‘The art of walking upright here’ by Glen Coloquhoun - in particular the last two bites.<br />
<br />
The art of walking upright here<br />
is the art of using both feet.<br />
<br />
Ones is for holding on.<br />
One is for letting go.<br />
<br />
This summer has been springy, I have been saying yes to things that surprise me in a good way. Spending time with good people and growing up yet again.<br />
So I am manning up, carrying a merino and getting out in it. I am preparing for eventualities, saying yes to life and am learning to use both feet again and walk in two worlds holding the past dearly and also celebrating the new world that is opening up.<br />
There is an alchemy in despair if you can sit with it in all its pain and madness, the potential change and growth is the dark gift in times of intense grief. The gold that comes from the black.<br />
Alchemy is my first word for the year, what’s yours?<br />
<br />
<br />
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<br />
<u>The art of walking upright - Glen Colquhoun</u><br />
<br />
"The Art of Walking Upright"<br />
<br />
The trick of standing upright here<br />
is the trick of using both feet.<br />
<br />
<br />
Being born is casting on a row of stitches.<br />
It is a whenua in a plastic bag in the freezer.<br />
<br />
Bread is walking back from a dairy with milk.<br />
It is the smell inside of tea-towels.<br />
<br />
Red is the sun burning at dusk.<br />
It is kowhaiwhai curling around a rafter.<br />
<br />
Meeting is the grip inside a hand.<br />
It is the sound of wet lips.<br />
<br />
Black is the colour of the sky at night.<br />
The clothes of old women at church.<br />
<br />
White is the sun's paint.<br />
Flax drying on a fence.<br />
<br />
A feast is the warm order of plates on a tablecloth.<br />
It is a fat kettle of tea squeezing between tables.<br />
<br />
Seafood is fish on the plate with lemon.<br />
It is the rattle of cockles in a pot.<br />
<br />
Singing is the wind in the trees like a choir.<br />
It is Tom Kelly crooning at three in the morning.<br />
<br />
Laughter is the sound of hands clapping.<br />
It is a row of cans falling off a shelf.<br />
<br />
Sleep is the feel of clean sheets on skin.<br />
The soft gaps between people on floors.<br />
<br />
The sky is a lid left off a tin of biscuits.<br />
It is a man making love to a woman.<br />
<br />
The sea is an uneven playing field.<br />
It is the blue eyes of a god.<br />
<br />
Remembering is a statue in a park.<br />
It is a face carved in wood.<br />
<br />
Growing old is a pattern fading on a dress.<br />
It is collecting pipi at low tide in an apron.<br />
<br />
Dying is a casket the shape of a keyhole.<br />
It is a long walk north to the cape.<br />
<br />
The art of walking upright here<br />
is the art of using both feet.<br />
<br />
Ones is for holding on.<br />
One is for letting go.<br />
<br />KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-34237552812458423572014-12-12T12:30:00.000+13:002014-12-12T12:35:06.773+13:00Narnian forests and the risk of being awake in the world. <div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
The process of waking up that I described back in September stopped as suddenly as it started then, I think it was just a taste to remind me of possibilities and keep me hopeful. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
It is back now this wide awakeness. I have done a lot of healing in the last year and dealt with old old stuff from my teenage years. I have dug deep and peeled back layers upon layers.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
I feel whole for the first time in my life.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
I am seeing and feeling life and people again in all their brokenness, beauty and glory. And accepting it.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
The burst of life that has arrived has not been without its complications. It has elicited some big emotions and my heart has been aching with the fullness of it, again I have to dig deep. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
What I acknowledge about myself is that I am relational, my romantic core which I have kept well hidden for years for fear of being hurt, is back. Coming to own these things about myself has been huge and its taken time. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
I saw a time lapse movie when I was a kid where it rained in the desert. The filmmakers showed the effect of this. Greenness came and frogs dug their way out of the soil. Birds arrived and whole communities formed overnight. They were just waiting. It was the most impactful movie of my childhood.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
I have spent the last five years learning about life and what matters, through caring for and being with Gary in the brutality of his illness and the loss of him. I don’t want to live being scared and not try things or make the most of opportunities. I want to live a good life and that means being brave, taking risks, speaking my mind and asking for I want even if it doesn’t eventuate. It feels good to speak truth and know it for what it is.<br />
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
Last night I went to church for the induction of our new minister, there was a lot of good talking and singing.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
One person who talked struck a chord with his lyrical way of describing was Andrew Norton. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<a href="http://moderator.presbyterian.org.nz/blog">http://moderator.presbyterian.org.nz/blog</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
I have been thinking about forests again as I navigate my way through unknown territory and open my heart up to life’s possibilities.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
Andrew talked of a forest where there are two roads divided and suggested we take the one that is not groomed or spacious but the one less travelled and stick with that. It is richer. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
He talked of gifts that are given to us and named Love as one of them. This made me tip my head to one side and think. I consider love to be the most important but had not considered it as a gifting.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
Yet the past few years have shown me this more that any thing else. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
Love is it, it’s the key to everything not only a deep fierce abiding unconditional love for those who are dear to you, but a love and an openness for others. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
He said the only way to hell is alone. I don’t think of hell as a physical place just to be clear, it a place we take our self with our thoughts that keep us anxious, isolated and despairing. I know this place well and I aint going back. The importance of relationship was touched on not only with God but with each other. By connecting with others and reaching out we heal. We are not designed to travel alone, our companions may not be who or what we expected from our life, we may have seen our life in a particular way and need to reframe our expectations of what it could look like and start living expectantly not with expectations. Our companions could turn out to be satyrs, fauns or talking rats (tiny with huge hearts).</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
My companions who have stuck with me through my tears and despair are so very precious to me and there are many new people who have come into my life this year with such good hearts, I am a bit in awe. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
This week my heart is aching but I am filled with gratitude for the experience of it even though it is painful and so grateful for who is in my life and what it is becoming. I will practice the braveness, keep open to life’s possibilities and acknowledge the position of vulnerability that comes with this. It may not make for the easiest or safest life but definitely one worth living.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<br />
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Journal page Kat Taiaroa</div>
KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-5992679004283794052014-12-09T10:02:00.001+13:002014-12-12T17:45:22.561+13:00Writing<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was at art school people commented
on writing I shared and said ‘Kat that’s what you’re good at I love your writing’
and so a sense built that maybe I could be good with words. But what did that
mean, how might that look and what to do with it? I should have got them to
fill a questionnaire out at the time and asked them for specifics.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am studying again now and writing in an
academic style which is what is required. My peers now tell me they like my
journals. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am struggling to write clearly and
express my self. I can express my feelings in word pictures but stitching
together the whole and making sense of stuff is so painful and I wonder if the
un comprehension of this is purely and simply related to my life. Maybe that is
a too big a question.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">A tutor spoke and drew a solution for me last time up at Whitecliff and hurrah I understood it. I got a course manual at the beginning of the
year and it looked like Chinese graphics. I have become increasingly right
brained in the last few years, I can’t spell any more and I continually think
in metaphor, which makes it complicated to be clear on paper. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">So I am practicing and doing my best and
trying not to panic when I don’t know stuff. It feels as dramatic at times as
walking on a tightrope over a live volcano.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Zach gave some good advice of doing little
bits at a time and concentrating for small periods, which has helped engage my
brain a bit better.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">These thoughts about writing, expression
and ways of learning have occupied my brain for the whole of the year. Thankfully
towards the end of the last paper (which was a research one-(no practical
component) my brain clicked in and I was able to slightly figure what was
required. All the way through I thought this is life really when you chose to
engage in new challenges and take on different things. There is of course the
choice to stay put and build a build wall around what you know and hang on…that
sounds harder to me and very unappealing.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I had a party on Saturday and It felt very
Narnian. Nearly five years of walking through talking forests, battling many
strange creatures and making unexpected friends in unexpected places. A door
has opened to a new world and I am standing in the frame.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<div class="entry" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 23.7999992370605px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 15px; padding: 0px;">
<img alt="img_0219" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-2393" src="http://www.jackyblue.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/img_0219-500x375.jpg" height="375" style="border: 0px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;" title="img_0219" width="500" /></div>
</div>
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><img src="webkit-fake-url://7A63D76F-5E85-4393-9B67-5BF91A1D0806/image.tiff" /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">from </span><a href="http://www.jackyblue.com/?tag=narnia">http://www.jackyblue.com/?tag=narnia</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">And for interest a blog I subscribe to, lots
of good posts this one resonated with me this morning.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://lanipuppetmaker.blogspot.ca/2014/12/106-of-thousand-ways-to-have-happy.html">http://lanipuppetmaker.blogspot.ca/2014/12/106-of-thousand-ways-to-have-happy.html</a></div>
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<br /></div>
KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-33328630658832236272014-09-23T22:19:00.003+12:002014-09-23T22:19:35.514+12:00Gratitude<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I am posting this example because since I have been sharing about gratitude I have have had requests for more information. So here it is. I also got bossy and told people to do it.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are involved in any social media activity you will have come
across people partaking in gratitude practices, or at least talking about it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is something that I have paid attention to for a while but never
fully appreciated until the last month. I have at times been quite resistant to it
and muttered under my breath about it and the enthusiastic people who have promoted it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My resistance started when Gary and I were in the hospice. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was excruciating being grateful for something I didn’t want and had
no control over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And truly everyone without
fail was kind and respectful. I actually was truly grateful to the whole organisation and
staff and before that the 8C crew, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>but a
part of me resented being being in the position of owing gratitude as well. The irony is, is that this practice is
probably the most useful in particularly trying circumstances.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">How I have used it is to equalize the negative. If I got sad or upset or
pissed off, I would counteract the negative with a positive. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It did help and
it provided perspective but what it didn’t do was install the joy that ‘the
gratitude entusiasts’ talked about. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This last paper in Arts therapy looked at different therapeutic
practices, it involved researching and carrying out art therapy interventions on
ourselves that reflected the practice.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For positive psychology I chose to really look at and understand the
gratitude thing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This is what I did.</span></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For 21 days (a good length of time to effect change) I wrote
down three things I was grateful for in the day.Things that made me feel pleased or I smiled at. I used
the computer and did this before I went to sleep. I often wrote more.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue', Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The second part is the why, it is important to unpack this bit.</span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Look at the why you are grateful for these things, this is what will
make the difference and sustain your motivation and interest in continuing.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Chose at least three a week to unpack and examine the why. I did this
every day to get in the swing of it and make sure I was cementing it in; also I
was using it as part of my study, which helped.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I also then simplified the words out from that and made a gratitude
scroll which concretizes the process and gives you something tangible to have
as a reminder and a way to sustain the good feelings from it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is obviously not a magic fix for all the brokenness in your world
but it’s a start.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It is not about looking for what is wrong it is about noticing what is
right and good and what you are grateful for. What brings you joy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We re told to ‘Enjoy this day the Lord has made’. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">so hurrah! permission to enjoy life.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I have found that it has a promoted a sense of wonder, I am more
mindful, noticing the good allows you to sit with it and savour it. It slows
you, quiets you and as you look and be with the day, the good moments lengthen.
It is simple, profound and it works.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Example of what I did and how<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Part one</b> the recording <span style="font-size: 16pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></span></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">21 DAYS OF GRATITUDE</span></span></u></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Day 1) Friday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for the Plunket ladies and their
optimism in what we are doing<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for a silly dance at Mitre 10 with
mum<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for silly songs on the radio that
make me dance<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful I made cauliflower and leek cheese
and it is lasting me a few nights, saving me cooking.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For getting over the daffodils and seeing
them as people who have passed rather than a reminder of what’s lost. Golden
connectivity.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>2)
Saturday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for Girlfriends who paint and
inspire me.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for being included in Gary’s
Whanau <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for Amy and Hamish who are so kind<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for the sun today and the kale I
picked for lunch <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for the energy to walk this
morning<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for my electric blanket<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3)Sunday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Church and community<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Zach being home tonight <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My Dog playing with a toy mouse<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Good friends who dog sit and take him for
health walks<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Ripe Brie<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Beaches<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful to Patrick who saved cushion
inners for me<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">4)Monday <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US">Grateful for the sun </span><span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Wingdings;">J</span></span><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Talking and connecting with Ruth in the
morning <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yummy soup I could just heat up<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Walking with Karen<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">People texting their beads in<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Perseverance<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Resilience<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Heat pumps<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Fresh sheets<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">5)Tuesday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for the Physio<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Getting some school work done<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A phone call with my sister<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">6)Wednesday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">An early dog walk<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The garlic poking up<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">A fresh chooky egg<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yummy beans, salad and roast yams for
dinner followed by a buckwheat pancake for supper.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Time in my studio making a picture
(daffodils)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This gratitude exercise <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Emails from friends<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">7)Thursday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Conversations with whanau <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Kowhai, tuis and bellbirds<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">My new glasses<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">8)Friday <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US">Grateful to my Plunket group </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Computer fixed whew<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Glasses fixed <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Wine with Deborah yum<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">9)Saturday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Conversations around gestalt with Gill<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nice dogs (ralph at Pete and frizzles)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Organized<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">10)Sunday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for Song (made it to church on
time)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">For Whanau participating in my kowhai
drawing<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Big sun all afternoon on my back<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Mushrooms on toast<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">11)Monday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Brisk walk with Karen mango on a lead<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Talking with and resolution with Zach
answer to prayer <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">12)Tuesday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for Physio on my back that is helping<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Supervision with Prue and ‘move it baby
move it’ from Gaz<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Therapy with Jill<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Lynn coming with her gelatin plate and
making prints and stains in the studio<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sue popping in unexpectedly<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">13)Wednesday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Planted potatoes kids Christmas<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Tidied and cleaned house picked flowers<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Play list big ray<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Sue Tim and Toi’aiga for dinner tears love
connection<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Risotto <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">14)Thursday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Getting up early and to a clean bench and
clean dishes because Sue did them<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yummy left overs<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">SUN again hurrah gorgeous still hot day.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Made myself a encouraging playlist<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Puss purring on my desk<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">15) Friday<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Grateful for getting through the day and
making it home safely (very little sleep last night).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The phrase from Nietzsche ‘when we are
tired we are undone by things we conquered long ago’ reminded me that I’m am ok
just tired and it too will pass<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Hot baths<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US">Catie rang </span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><o:p><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> .........................etc</span></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 18pt;"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">3 good things</span></span></u></div>
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<u><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Part two</b> the why</span></span></u></div>
I started at day 12<br />
<div>
<br />
<u>Day one</u><br />
<br />
1) Therapy session - It was good and I am grateful because I bought up a sensitive topic that I had got grumpy about. I was able to ask Jill about it and have her clarify it. In this I showed courage and exhibited a sense of self worth. I was able to ask and be heard. Because of this I was able to share something I had been working through and which I needed a witness. It was liberating and a new thing for me. VOICE.<br />
<br />
2) Lyn coming over and bring a gelatine plate to print from. I was pleased someone came to my house and spent time with me. It makes me feel positive about my environment and the space feels active. Spending positive time with a friend making something is something I enjoy. And I gave myself PERMISSION to play after being in town all instead of heading to my computer. I TRUSTed that the creative process would lead somewhere I needed to be and it did. I printed the back of my gratitude scroll. The TRUST AND CREATIVE PROCESS LED SOMEWHERE-CONNECTIONS.<br />
<br />
3) Sue popped in unexpectedly. I was grateful as I didn't have to make the effort to reach out and she was happy to be in my space looking at art books while I puddled at my desk and we talked about Psychodrama and Gestalt and Art. Zach and Liana came in and the animals and the room felt full and warm. Nice to have company that wasn’t intense and was activity orientated. RELAXED IN SELF, BEING ME.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<u>Day two</u><br />
<br />
<div>
1) Planted potatoes and felt not just ok like last year but pleased. I always planted potatoes for Gary. I thought I might never eat them again when he passed. I often prefer Kumara but had sprouted some Jersey Bennies and they are in the ground, the kids will love fresh potatoes when they come home for Christmas. In the process I looked at my glasshouse and planned for the tomatoes. Another favourite of Gary’s. And I felt pleasure in the thought of growing them. Gratitude for planting and the energy. Gratitude in noticing the difference between last year and now. FORWARD THINKING.<br />
<br />
2) Tided house. Sue (Gary’s sister) was coming for dinner with others and I felt pleased to be able to clean and attend to stuff I had been ignoring such as piles of washing. The tolerations were sorted. Result orderly clean house and well prepared dinner so I was relaxed and they felt welcome. I put music on and it made everyone cry but we talked and had good conversation. I was able to express myself in my own way and it was ok. <br />
<br />
3) Playlist Big Ray. Gary made this for his dad who has passed. Sue asked for it and I burned a copy today for her. I reflected on the POWER OF MUSIC and how it elicits so much emotion and many good memories. Sue cried but it was ok and I could comfort her for a change. Tim cried and I told him Gary said to harden up Tim and we all laughed. Gary and Tim teased each other constantly. Whanau. I felt like I belonged. BELONGING.</div>
<div>
.........etc<br />
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Part three</b> </span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqW6X_tbqwwYgIfqFtwHaWjgsWTtfhyphenhypheno0TwEjOmsg5O66rR9j2NxbtrK0IUE7IG1k_4IyVxEyJGrI9p4xlGXjtqDQcKbBshrFmDaxbY-X2E3wiR6JE6zFCtcpzFunx4WaXT4vWNq_ilcA/s1600/IMG_4052.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqW6X_tbqwwYgIfqFtwHaWjgsWTtfhyphenhypheno0TwEjOmsg5O66rR9j2NxbtrK0IUE7IG1k_4IyVxEyJGrI9p4xlGXjtqDQcKbBshrFmDaxbY-X2E3wiR6JE6zFCtcpzFunx4WaXT4vWNq_ilcA/s1600/IMG_4052.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Gratitude
scroll</b></span></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Aim is to pick the eyes out of what you have written and put that down.<i><o:p></o:p></i></span></span></div>
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<i><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Plunket ladies and their optimism</span></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a meaningful life <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">purpose zest enthusiasm</span></i><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">music <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dance<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the radio <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“golden connectivity”<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">girlfriends who paint and inspire me<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">whanau <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">good food<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">nurturing <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">warmth of the sun<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my electric blanket<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">dog walks with mango<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US">friends </span></i><i><span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">arts therapy<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">my garden <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">sight<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">ripe brie <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">perseverance<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">resilience<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the garlic poking up<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">fresh chooky eggs<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">time in my studio painting<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">gratitude exercises<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">kowhai tuis bellbirds<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a prayerful life<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">therapy with Jill and finding my voice<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">you’re flying peter<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">tidy clean house<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">connection<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Talking about Gary<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the phrase ‘when we tired we are undone by things
we conquered long ago’.<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">hot baths<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">softness of the rain<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">engagements<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">21sts<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">weddings<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">contributing<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">energy<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">joy<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">brave feelings<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">calm <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the south<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">mindfulness<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">wisdom<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">grief<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">blossom<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">fresh mint <o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">salsa verde<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">the smell of rice pudding cooking<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">puss purring<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">creativity<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">space<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">choice<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">humour<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">a dynamic life<o:p></o:p></span></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So I would suggest Start your list, Then at about
day 7 when you've got the hang of that start unpacking some of the things you
are grateful for, write a little more on the why<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">And enjoy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst">
<span lang="EN-AU"><o:p><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst">
<u>And lastly some links</u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Huff Post Good News. (2013). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">4
Reasons to join the 21-Day Gratitude Challenge.</i> Retrieved from </span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/viral-mehta/post_5959_b_4228302.html"><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/viral-mehta/post_5959_b_4228302.html</span></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Creativity in therapy. (2012). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gratitude
Jar an Activity to Focus on Thankfulness</i>. Retrieved from </span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://creativityintherapy.blogspot.co.nz/2012_11_01_archive.html"><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">http://creativityintherapy.blogspot.co.nz/2012_11_01_archive.html</span></a></span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Positive psychology for personal relationship and growth. (2014). <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Well being theory: the PERMA model</i>.
Retrieved from </span><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://positivepsychologymelbourne.com.au/PERMA-model"><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">http://positivepsychologymelbourne.com.au/PERMA-model</span></a></span><span class="MsoHyperlink"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">Mind Tools essential skills
for an excellent career. (2014). The PERMA Model Bringing Well-Being and
Happiness to Your Life. Retrieved from </span></i><span lang="EN-US"><a href="http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/perma.htm"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/perma.htm</span></i></a></span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"> <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-72502333908990594452014-09-20T19:00:00.000+12:002014-09-20T19:03:49.825+12:00To live expectantly not with expectations<div class="MsoNormal">
I have put off writing this for so long, I
now have people emailing me or asking what’s up? Seems strange as I write this for myself in
order to understand and process. Partly I have slowed the blogging down as I
write and process enormous amounts through my Arts therapy training, after that
there seems little else to say.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">One month ago<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>August</b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am sitting out on my deck with a warm
norwester wind blowing. Mango and a piece of the moon are keeping me company.
Its a break from the winter of the past month and the cold has disappeared for
a smidge .I expect with all of this that snow isn’t far away but for the moment
its strangeness is appreciated.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have found it difficult to know where to
start writing this time, my energy has been so dispersed between various
things, Study , nursing , volunteering at plunket plus house and kids. It
seemed like a good idea at the time to do all of this, I have been accustomed
to being super woman for so long what else was there to do. Plus in grief you
either stop and don’t move at all or you just keep moving - I guess to get
somewhere else, its natural to move away from pain.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
my body has finally given me the message to stop. I hurt my back in Pilates on
Tuesday and it has been in spasm ever since. My body reflecting my life. I over
extended and it has had consequences. Tonight for the first time I sense some
relief happening. The meds are totally messing with my head, it has been
problematic concentrating on study and boy is there a lot this month.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I came back from Auckland this time
prepared to make some decisions about what to let go as I knew I was stretched,
but when it came down to it I was still working out how to manage everything. I
don’t like letting people down but in that process I was letting myself down.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I hit what is sometimes called rock bottom
a few weeks back. It’s surprisingly ok down here. It was excruciating on the
way down, but now I am here I feel very calm and peaceful. There is no where
else to go. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s restful , like on the
bottom of a pond. I can peer up and see light way way up through the water. The
weeping started up again once I landed, not the normal crying that I have got
used to but different, but a steady insistent weep. A soaking rain of tears. I
talked with Zach about this, he shared that he was in the same place and
described his tears the same way. Softer. There are so many layers to this
grief and so many different types of crying.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Someone said to me ‘I guess you get a
fright sometimes and get sad when something happens to remind you.’ Such a
strange comment I guess they have never experienced the death of someone
close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How to explain to them that there
is never a moment where he is not with me. I carry him so close. Its not some
thing you choose or a decision you make consciously, it just is.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US"><b>September </b><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">This month I have noticed a shift in where
I am. It feels like at a cellular level,like all the plates in my body have shifted. A seismic shift. I don’t know how else to explain it. It
has come about through some intense self work in arts therapy. I did a drawing
the other day about voice. I drew a warbler singing in a dark forest. I was not
particularly happy with what I drew but as I wrote into the picture I realized
that it was what it was and sometimes we just need to sing anyway regardless of the
situation Acceptance as a word rose up from this.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I am looking up and out and through it. I
can note with a little irony that I am exhibiting a textbook example here of
the grief process, In this I also aware of its mercurial nature.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A book I m reading at the moment discusses
the alchemy of grief. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am being
transformed from the inside out. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I would have Gary back but I wouldn’t trade
what I have learnt and who I am becoming in and through this process.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have been practicing Gratitude (yes
practicing) and it is worthwhile. Up to 21 days so far and counting. Every
night before you go to bed write down three things you are grateful for in the
day and then expand on the why of them. That’s the important part and that is
what will guarantee you continue.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I feel quieter, the practice of gratitude
is something that is so simple but really quite profound in how it works. It
promotes being mindful as I look for things in the day to write about and
therefore notice, sit with and appreciate them at the same time. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I have been dancing, I made myself a
playlist of music I can move to and it is so good. I am moving and loving that.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Loved the paper I have just completed. Incredibly full and challenging as always but I can see how and where I might work. Getting some skills together.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Now all this is good stuff and I am moving, I would like to add that in amongst it I also trolleyed myself on honey bourbon a few weeks back. Actually felt like a right of passage and a really good letting go. I just felt like doing whatever I wanted so I did. I put music on( loud) and I danced and drank and let go. Was a bit urgh for a few days after but worth it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I looked forward to coming away to Auckland
this visit and feel settled here now. Not so much of the homesickness that has
been with me. Appreciating the adventure and the opportunity.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">I just had a night out at a pub with a
young friend listening to live music. I had googled gigs at home looking for
some live music. Delighted that it was right on my doorstep in Parnell. It was
great I felt filled up and energised.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I went frock shopping with an old school
friend in Ponsonby for a couple of hours this weekend. Was such fun, lots of
laughing. Easy and familiar and I came away with a smile and a frock at the end
of the day.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My back is on the mend<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Zach is leaving home. This is good and and
sad and timely.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Hana is settled with her boy in Welly, and
thinking about career options for next year.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">Macker in Cairns for a bit longer selling
the coconut and loving being outdoors and fit. Also doing some web development.
Heading to Melbourne at some stage soon.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US">My darling Mango is a tad older and slower
but still my constant wee companion. He’s funny and good company. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span lang="EN-US"><br /></span>
<span lang="EN-US"><a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/mikebrebner/4989458044/">https://www.flickr.com/photos/mikebrebner/4989458044/</a></span></div>
KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-90776720950474261312014-04-09T18:21:00.001+12:002014-04-09T18:34:44.025+12:00<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> FACEBOOK MESSAGE FROM MICHELLE (I don't think she will mind me sharing this)</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Michelle Whyte<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span> 5:41am Apr 6<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">Kiaora Kat, <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">I was clearing out my
emails the other day and came across a conversation I had with Gary over a
couple of months. Brought a wee tear to my eye. It always brings me right back
down to earth feeling humbled and counting my blessings when I think of Gary.
It's funny how someone I never met was a bigger part of my journey than some of
my good friends! Anyway, respectively it got me thinking of you.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">I hope all's well with you
and your family. I guess you'll be coming in to winter now. Hope you had a good
summer and life is treating you well. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt;">x<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been thinking about how to start my blog post this
month. It’s a bit late as I have had my head in starting Arts therapy and
working out how to manage. Funny how we can lose ourselves and what’s important,
when we start new things that are also so important.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have been spending the best part of the last few weeks
dealing with anxiety and its repercussions. Looking at how it arrives and what
it does, how it affects me, my relationships and acknowledging it is something
I will never be free from really but I can start to befriend it a little and
stroke it into submission. I decided last week that as well as my old
tricks<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(breathing meditations and
chamomile tea. Prayer being essential) and knowing that my anxiety can override
all safety mechanisms; I really needed to do a workshop on it or seek some
serious help.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I walked into class this weekend. Most of the first day was
focused on techniques and approaches for dealing with a difficult emotion and
the tutor chose anxiety as we were all expressing this in some way or form. So
an answer to prayer. I have become very aware of how I am breathing again and
where I am holding my breath.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Michelle’s email above talks about being bought back down to
earth and the feeling of humility. These two things have been travelling with
me also. One of the exercises we were given was to stamp our anxiety out with
our feet into the ground. Enables us to ground ourself self as anxiety causes us to want to take
flight.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I came across the passage last week where Jesus washes the
feet of others and also lets his own feet be washed with expensive perfume that
could have been used to help many others. There is in this so much richness in
this passage and what I am with is the humility and honour that each of the
people show in this process to the other. We all need our feet washed at times
by others and the acceptance of this is so very hard. Trust me I am learning I
can’t do it alone and I ask when I need help now and accept it. I am still
finding it hard but learning I have to. It's a process of accepting you are
worth helping and learning to see yourself. Jesus knew his worth.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Hana and her boy bought me a wee book with new testament
stories when I met them in Auckland and the first story I opened on was about
Jesus washing feet.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
On the way up in the plane I read the book of Esther with the feeling I was supposed to be reading it. I didn't figure out its application in my
life until I was driving to the airport with my beautiful friend Fifi. We drove
past a hair salon in the burbs called Becoming Esther. I told Fifi about the
book I read on the plane and explained my take on the Salon. Esther as a young
girl was chosen with many others to under go a beautification process that took
a year, the purpose of which was ultimately to be chosen as the wife for the
King at the time. In this she was taken from her community, all she knew as
young Jewish girl, isolated and changed. Queen Esther (as she became) was
pivotal in saving her people from massacre by humbling herself , taking a risk,
trusting and being completely brave.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What I started thinking about from this is the idea of
sacrifice and suffering in order to prepare for something greater than
ourselves.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wrote this poem in the week previous to this one in response
to a painting I did as part of my study. It was on PTSD and I used the grief
process and the idea of complicated grief as a way to relate to the diagnosis.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">Beauty from ashes<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">There is a space<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">in my center <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">An actual hole<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">I can see through me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">how to this keep sacred<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="mso-layout-grid-align: none; mso-pagination: none; tab-stops: 28.0pt 56.0pt 84.0pt 112.0pt 140.0pt 168.0pt 196.0pt 224.0pt 252.0pt 280.0pt 308.0pt 336.0pt; text-autospace: none;">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">This trauma lies not only the
loss<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">of him<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">but in the loss of me<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">How to make sense of photos <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">or hear his name <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">without hysteria rising<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">Complicated thoughts images and
feelings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">arise from daily things<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">‘this is so tough Kat’ <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">I hope that with time they
will lessen <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">and take their proper place<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">and I despair that exactly
this will happen<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">tell myself it will be ok<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">it will be fine <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span lang="EN-US" style="font-family: 'Arial Narrow';">Beauty will come from ashes</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God reiterates in so many ways, pays to keep the eyes of my
heart open.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I got a facebook message last week from someone I thought I
knew but turns out I don't. Quite a surprize to find out someone snuck through
my radar I am usually quite fierce. This is what she wrote and what I wrote
back.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Hello my
friend of a friend, who is now my fb friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Can you please tell me how u find time to do art and study?<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">I am
struggling to fit study in, with kids and house etc.. and I miss my art... but
cant even contemplate how I can find time for art. <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Feeling
really tired and despondent. ?. Any advice would be appreciated!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Good
luck and you go girl!<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 10.0pt;">Hey
Margaret sure thing. Am just heading out the door but will be back in touch xx
An artist here Sylvia hmm cant remember last name ..but she is famous in nz so
you could google sylvia and artist. Used to carry a clipboard around with a
biro tied to it when her kids were small and just drew everything on the same
page. I will be back in touch.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">March
28th, 10:05pm<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Thank
you x<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 10.0pt;">March
31st, 12:07pm<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 10.0pt;">I just
checked your page out to see what you studying. That will be full on. I can see
why you are having a few moments:).Do you journal? I have found it invaluable
as a way to look after myself in this process. Write scribble make a mess
anyway you want to, for Playtime, think time. Its important to take care of
yourself. Your question made me think a lot. I think the core of it is value.
Valuing yourself and therefore others around you and taking care of yourself
what ever that means to you. Mine is walking juicing and journaling and these
make me feel good. I think when you are doing a course such as what you are
doing process journaling would be helpful.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">April 1st, 12:39am<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 10.0pt;">Thank
you so much for taking the time to respond in such a kind, caring, informative
way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are so right in your point
about taking care of ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
cannot truly nurture others, unless we nurture ourselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I like it, journaling, juicing and
walking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can do the journaling; I just
have to make time. Walking I love!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
I have recently changed to a healthy diet.. Juicing is on the cards!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks! I look forward to meeting you one
day. Take care xx<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 10.0pt;">Chat Conversation End<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wanted to include this as the whole thing made me think hard
about how we see ourselves and how others see us. I certainly didn't think I
was doing anything particularly well or handling anything in a manner that was
fruitful. It really made me consider the core of it all, which is value. I have
started eating properly again and juicing and a regular walk. Small most days
but I stretch out others and have just pumped the tyres on my bike. Yoga on the
cards. I am reminding myself that wine is not suitable as a dinner food just
sometimes it seems the perfect thing. The two bible readings I mentioned above
reiterated this for me. Humility and Value, both I struggle with and both I am
working on.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Grateful Grateful for Fifi driving me to the airport. I came
home to a clean house by the ever organized Macker, made an enormous difference
to my landing. Got picked up by Trudy and I had the energy to clean my car for
the first time in a year. Gaz would be pleased, never liked my dirty car.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<!--StartFragment-->
<!--EndFragment--><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Saw Awie and Andrew (Gary’s work mates) at Auckland airport.
Had just finished saying to a stranger that ‘it is odd I never meet any one I
know on this flight’ and there they were. Realised that for the first time I
was able to compartmentalise the airport and not look for Gaz. If I had met
them even a month ago they would have had serious concerns about my reaction.
Airports are a trigger as I keep expecting to see Gaz come and meet me and I
look for him. It was so lovely to see them. Terribly hard, weird and lovely all
at once. Just wanted to keep staring at their faces.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thinking about marking the year anniversary coming up. Still thinking. x<br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b> Isaiah 61:3</b><br />
New International Version (NIV)<br />
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—<br />
to bestow on them a crown of beauty<br />
instead of ashes,<br />
the oil of joy<br />
instead of mourning,<br />
and a garment of praise<br />
instead of a spirit of despair.<br />
They will be called oaks of righteousness,<br />
a planting of the Lord<br />
for the display of his splendor.<br />
<br />
And lastly a journal page I did inspired by an exercise in class<br />
Its a Banksia, they reseed after bush fires.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYIqjyrABN1k-xMMH3JKitJchUtTZuirX7TJyL7tfA9-kb1f8K2vALztE4bfJwXdkJoou3ffRRrnXYPPDAqWXGHeziUkFplNwu6Gt0hZfDjFLs0Q3kVQL7wL03qvYEjY8n7VBxGZOggo0/s1600/IMG_3911.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYIqjyrABN1k-xMMH3JKitJchUtTZuirX7TJyL7tfA9-kb1f8K2vALztE4bfJwXdkJoou3ffRRrnXYPPDAqWXGHeziUkFplNwu6Gt0hZfDjFLs0Q3kVQL7wL03qvYEjY8n7VBxGZOggo0/s1600/IMG_3911.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
<br /></div>
KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-9968646165750128802014-02-14T16:36:00.001+13:002014-02-14T17:55:07.990+13:00DOLLY<div class="MsoNormal">
Back from Auckland and tumbling into my week<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Stumble out of bed and stumble to the kitchen pour myself a
cup of ambition yawning stretching trying to stay alive<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jump in the shower and the blood starts pumping out on the
street the music is jumping for folks like me on the job working 9-5<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I could pink up these words and add some rhinestones it
would be near perfect.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You may have guessed that I made it to a Dolly Parton
concert when I was there, cant believe I almost didn’t. I wasn’t sure how
awkward it would be to get there, but it turned out fine. Man do I love Dolly.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This Gal knows how to maximise her assets and is not at all
shy of sharing this. She is nearing 70 I am guessing and she wore diamanté
stilettoes for roughly three hours singing and dancing. She was funny and
clever and engaged beautifully with the Audience. Storytelling, evangelising
and flirting. Her energy was awesome and so great to see someone so
professional doing her thing.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her persona and how she does it is who she is. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a stage act she is one of the best.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’m not doing 9-5 this year, but feel I need to
borrow some of the structure, as I muddle around in the point four to six
bracket with study and volunteer in between.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Came back to Dunedin trying to sort my computer out. Arrived
on Tuesday and ended up with both computers out of action for two whole days.
No access to course info or email either. I got to work on Thursday night very
stressed and emotional. Gary always did anything to do with the computer and
trying to deal with it all and him not there I felt my brain and heart popping.
Had the urge to run away. Consequently I have given up trying for the time
being. At least until I get some of my work written and handed in.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The work looks great and the layout of study is interesting.
Great group –interesting, intelligent thinkers and feelers. Articulate.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am calmer today, really didn’t enjoy the stress of
yesterday just made me want to bawl all the time. Yuck!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It rained yesterday and overnight and my garden is
singing, and now also thankfully sunny. We need a few boosts like this to speed up autumnal crops. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Had my second session with some young mums and babes down at
Plunket. ( I am a volunteer) We have started making sock monkeys. They are such
gorgeous young women I am learning a lot being around them. Think it went well.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back to Dolly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Someone texted when I was away and said ‘well Kat you would
have been on your own at that one anyway as I cant imagine Tai there’<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Actually a little known fact about Gazza is that he also was
a dolly fan. Not necessarily of her music but of her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He liked that I liked her. He appreciated her enthusiasm for
life and how she did it. He did also download a few tunes for my playlist he
made me and would play them in amongst others.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The history of Dolly and me<o:p></o:p><br />
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
28 years ago I had my knee operated on and spent two (maybe
three-cant quite remember…) weeks on bed rest in the hospital. Gary loved
that I was stuck in hospital and couldn’t go anywhere. Before hospital I was
keen on him but was still sorting out how I felt about someone else. So there I
was in one place.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
He visited everyday, sometimes with his text books and
studied. Consequently our relationship took a different turn. About the third day
I think after the op, Gary had just left and I could see him walking along the
street to the Captain Cook out my window. I was feeling pretty miserable and
was in pain. I asked the nurse for some paracetamol, she said I wasn’t due for
any but that I could have Morphine. I wasn’t keen on that as it made me sick
and so I stuck it out. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I turned on the wee tele that mum had rented for me, and
Dolly and Kenny came on. Two hours passed with them singing and talking, and at
that point I fell in love with Dolly. She cheered me up, took me out of the
space I was in and I felt she talked just to me.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Gary joined Google
circles and added Dolly as a friend so he could update me when she emailed him. His
face the first time he got an email and told me was so funny. We laughed and
laughed. She represented joy.<o:p></o:p></div>
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He may not have been there as a music fan (more ACDC) but
definitely as a Dolly fan.<o:p></o:p><br />
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Something about Auckland I found tough was being downtown in the business district and seeing suits everywhere. I was tired and feeling a bit overwhelmed with all I had participated in in the weekend. Burnt the candle a bit at both ends and so my feelings and emotions which I can regulate a bit easier now became harder to contain. I found myself looking at every man in a suit searching for Gary. I wanted to go up to people who looked like they might be in IT and ask if they had ever met him or heard of him. Had they seen him?<br />
There is always two parts to self. The rational that knows and deals and the other which is predominant that says 'this doesn't make sense, its all a dream, snap out of it and things will revert and go back to what you have always known.<br />
When I was younger-much, someone very dear to me died, my boyfriend at the time. There are things in this process now that I recognize from before. The searching for the missing person being one of them.<br />
When I committed to Gary I made him promise to never leave me. He thought this was silly as he could not see that he ever would but I knew that it happened. I also knew asking for the promise was impossible. Still I asked. It was my biggest fear. And here I am.<br />
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My chickens are watching me through the glass in my study. It is old and runny and they wobble slightly as I look. Sun is filtering through the trees and patterning my desk.<br />
Time for a sneaky wine I think. x<br />
<br />
POEM by JOHN O'DONOHUE<br />
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When you lose someone you love,<br />Your life becomes strange,<br />The ground beneath you becomes fragile,<br />Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;<br />And some dead echo drags your voice down<br />Where words have no confidence<br />Your heart has grown heavy with loss;<br />And though this loss has wounded others too,<br />No one knows what has been taken from you<br />When the silence of absence deepens.</div>
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Flickers of guilt kindle regret<br />For all that was left unsaid or undone.</div>
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There are days when you wake up happy;<br />Again inside the fullness of life,<br />Until the moment breaks<br />And you are thrown back<br />Onto the black tide of loss.<br />Days when you have your heart back,<br />You are able to function well<br />Until in the middle of work or encounter,<br />Suddenly with no warning,<br />You are ambushed by grief.</div>
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It becomes hard to trust yourself.<br />All you can depend on now is that<br />Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.<br />More than you, it knows its way<br />And will find the right time<br />To pull and pull the rope of grief<br />Until that coiled hill of tears<br />Has reduced to its last drop.</div>
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Gradually, you will learn acquaintance<br />With the invisible form of your departed;<br />And when the work of grief is done,<br />The wound of loss will heal<br />And you will have learned<br />To wean your eyes<br />From that gap in the air<br />And be able to enter the hearth<br />In your soul where your loved one<br />Has awaited your return<br />All the time.</div>
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John O’Donohue</div>
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http://serenadevi.wordpress.com/2010/07/25/a-poem-for-grief-by-john-o-donohue/ </div>
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KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-80192206520317570822014-02-03T13:59:00.003+13:002014-02-03T17:40:59.143+13:00Desire lines<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Excerpt from Wiki</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 19px;">'A <b>desire path</b> (also known as a <b>desire line</b>, <b>social trail</b>, <b>goat track</b> or <b>bootleg trail</b>) can be a path created as a consequence of foot or bicycle traffic. The path usually represents the shortest or most easily navigated route between an origin and destination. The width of the path and its erosion are indicators of the amount of use the path receives. Desire paths emerge as shortcuts where constructed ways take a circuitous route, or have gaps, or are lacking entirely.'</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I have become acutely aware of my chronic desire lines in the past four years. Situations or circumstances I feel like cutting a shorter track through.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">There is no short track through grief and I think if you try it will eventually catch you up. There is also the sense that doing so would be very disrespectful. This space is sacred for a reason.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I think (and I say 'think' as I am going with my feelings of the last week) that the reason I can say that is that I am feeling stronger. I am having longer times of feeling ok. Before I went to Australia ( 9th Jan) I was still weeping and weeping. I felt exhausted with Grief and its scouring process. I accept that christmas and holidays and everybody coupling up and going away contributed to this but still every day echoed the same. A relentless missing ache. I prayed and wondered when I would feel better. I have spent time researching grief and reading about complicated grief. I decided this was the case and it made sense.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">There are no clear guide lines.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">The best thing to do is just be, sit with it, look at it in the eye and do the best you can.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I havnt been able to cover my words or guard my actions this year. Odd words associated with what I mean spill out and somewhat randomly at times. All I can do is truly be me in all that it is. I have noticed that it is uncomfortable for some people and actually at times I surprise myself, but I as yet don't have have the resources to be someone else when required.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Aussie. I was terrified to go and scared and sad alot of the time I was there. But I managed.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">There was a lot that was good and there was so much more I found hard. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">First time in 28 years that I didn't have Gaz at my side directing traffic. I had to problem solve by myself, navigate roads and maps and relationship with my sister. Decide what to spend and how to spend it, all by myself. And fly.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">We went to Jervis Bay to do an Art Journaling workshop with Orly Avineri. Seeing the good and enjoying the wine but not feeling it or relaxing. I was restless.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I am not beating myself up for this as I know its a process and eventually it will come.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I became aware of how much rest our partners give us from ourselves. Gary and I loved holidays and being together away. It was where we connected and planned and dreamed. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">I</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">maginary houses and bridges were built between places. </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">It was good and hard and tricky and scary. At the end of it all I realized how capable I was and that I could do stuff by myself. I like my own company. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Every single thing and action you do from the moment they are gone is new. Before there was a way I did things thought acted and all in relation to Gary and my family. Now I second think, I over think and and I am aware all the time that this a first. The first time I cook a meal for myself. Make a coffee for myself. Dig spuds. Drive the car. Go out. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">The missing of Gary never goes away. It is right in the centre left of my body where my heart is.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> </span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I can feel it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">It is an actual space.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;">What I am doing now and practicing every day is learning to live with the grief. Leaning into the pain and stitching my life around it. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px;"> I am forming heartwood inside the space that loss has created. Every time I do something brave another tree ring forms. I don't know how long this will will take but I do know that loving Gary and having been loved back fully helps. I feel immensely grateful.</span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;"> </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">What I practice daily.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I look at what I have got and whats in my life, not what I don't have. Training my mind to what is front of me and around me. At this stage in the process, it is really helping. I couldn't hold those thoughts before. When I tried this I could see what was good but not feel it. The feeling has caught up now mostly. It sits there along with the sad.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I am practicing feeling grateful for small things and big things. Cups of coffee, a roof over my head, People that care, work at Wakari, a cheap Rose I have found that is delicious, my Dog, people that look after my dog that my dog adores, Church, music, a playlist Gary made, the years we have had - more would be better - much better. Garys voice in my head encouraging me saying Good job Kat and Go for it- you can do it and when I feel I talk too much, him telling me I should talk more. Cabbages growing. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I have to confess all this sounds like I might have it together but alot of the time I just muddle through. I feel quite bewildered parts of the day and then remember that Gaz isn't coming home, its not an extended business trip. It is surreal.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I went out to dinner on Friday with people I didn't know a random invite that I accepted it was fun. It was restful being with people with no emotional associations. Easier</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">I start my Arts Therapy Masters next week and am looking forward it. This I am pleased about as I didn't know when the time came where my head would be at. Every day I pray for peace and Joy and it is sneaking in sitting with the other..</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">This is what Gary wrote on Andy's window in ChCh when we stayed.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: x-small; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> Kia Kaha Devlins Be strong move forward. Change is good. TAI</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 19px;">Just when the caterpillar thought the world was all over, it became a butterfly</span></div>
KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-84581278787753086922013-12-04T12:07:00.003+13:002013-12-04T12:07:51.977+13:00The newness of the everydayI woke this morning to the sound of cat biscuits trickling against plastic as puss ate her breakfast. I knew it was Spacey as Jerusalem sneaks in at night so as to avoid Mango chasing her. Familiar sounds and recognizing them offer a comfort they can also trigger an avalanche of feelings.<br />
I have a picture f myself as a rain-meter. One of those ones on the side of the house that measures rainfall. Mine is constantly near the top and periodically overflows. The rain just sits there in the bottom it is a given and is becoming familiar in a way that the sound of trickling biscuits has.<br />
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When you lose someone and face each day it is all new. Every single thing is different and you face it for the first time. It is exhausting. Grief is exhausting...a steady and relentless letting go and facing new.<br />
I am practicing my mantra of bird by bird and putting good things in place. I can see that there is good things happening and I know them. I expect the feeling that accompanies these things will attach at some time.<br />
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I have had had a fresh view of spirit and are starting to connect in again which is a relief really.<br />
The river that flows through and provides a rich source of life. The well-spring.<br />
Arihana described it as a cold clear mountain stream.<br />
It was such a good picture and took me back to tramping around as a child in Glenorchy, being hot and thirsty and finding a stream. Always a bit too shallow for a swim and made your ankles ache when you paddled. But delicious to drink.<br />
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Mandy gave me a good expression, which has been carrying me through this week..Concrete in your boots. I like it. So concrete in my cowboy boots, concrete in my Gumboots. Getting some necessary things done...Concrete in my rain-waders.<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d3d3d; font-family: Times, Times, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><img align="left" alt="" height="169" hspace="10" src="https://wordonfire.org/getmedia/50c0a082-6595-46a4-b04c-e5af3559f700/!!!!!-rain-gauge2_1.aspx" style="border-bottom-style: none; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-right-style: none; border-top-style: none; border-width: initial;" vspace="3" width="225" /></span></em></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d3d3d; font-family: Times, Times, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><span style="font-family: Verdana;"></span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #3d3d3d; font-family: Times, Times, sans-serif; font-size: 14px;"><em><span style="font-family: Verdana;">Image taken from http://www.wordonfire.org/WoF-Blog/WoF-Blog/May-2012/Spirituality-Praying-for-Rain.aspx</span></em></span></div>
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<br />KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-38421763082831644272013-11-10T19:17:00.002+13:002013-11-10T19:17:32.800+13:00Gazzas birthday on the 9thSome photos, just a few...he would have been 50 and the party would have been huge in true Gary style. Zach and I went to the movies a boys flick and ate some mexican. Gaz would have liked that and I found another tui bottle cap to thumbs up the deal. Shame I don't like to drink it although much better to find them when I need them. The girls were at Waiora scout camp and sent some boats off down the river. Such a hard week to get through. Reminded me of the weeks leading up to scans.<br />
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<br />KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-434234192829835642013-11-06T15:55:00.004+13:002013-11-12T22:42:13.119+13:00Auckland, Art therapy and variegated threads<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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At the Symposium weekend, I met some beautiful people with big hopes, dreams and huge passion for making a difference and helping others. Made some good connections. Feel very peaceful now after this process whatever the outcome. Going away and going to the Symposium and the interviews confirmed for me that Art therapy is a good fit. It is a huge commitment and I am getting my head around what all that means.<br />
Its a wait and see from here- many talented people being interviewed. Somewhere around twenty eight with eight places to be filled. Find out at the end of November.<br />
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"...his old coat had life in it still. He lifted it out and slipped his arms into its dark sleeves. Now, as when he was a boy, it looked too big, and yet at the same time it fitted him like a second skin. And like a shamans coat, it was easy for him to conjure up spirits and memories of the past it its embrace. He took Daniels hand and drew a deep breath....<br />
Daniel, the soldiers never found the secret world inside my coat, never noticed the pockets within the pockets. You see this coat has its own magic. But let me start at the beginning.Let me tell you exactly how it happened."<br />
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And so it is, the story of the puppet boy..a story within story, that we bring ourselves too. I was sitting at a Cafe table in Kohimarama completely immersed in a Siberian forest when my friend Fifi arrived. She spoke for about 1min I think before I could clear my head from images of forest.<br />
It is a rich full book. Strong metaphor and psychological frameworks. The immediacy of how she started threw me at first. Its not a gentle polished way of starting but tumbles you straight into the book, as you read further, the start makes sense.<br />
It is a book that can travel with you through all aspects of your own life. Being away and negotiating different spaces. Paying attention to my scared self, my without Gary self and reminding myself of my centre and feeling that strength. I was with the characters. I cried when they lost things. I held my breath as they attempted daring missions outside their comfort zone. It was as if I was child again reading Enid Blyton's Five on Kirrin Island. No comparison to the writing and the sophistication but the ability to transport the reader somewhere else.<br />
I read the Book Thief last year and its way of evoking colour from concrete skies ( thanks to Bic Runga for that) and its rawness came to mind. It is a BIG book. I strongly recommend. And if anyone reading this has my Book Thief and Potato Pie Society one..time for their return :-).<br />
<b>The Puppet Boy of Warsaw Eva Weaver</b><br />
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A word that has been in my head all year is Move<br />
Keep on moving. I hear Gaz so clearly. I have a picture of him and Zach driving behind me cheering me on when I got back on my bike two summers ago. Gaz was able to bike part of the trip and the rest they drove behind me yelling encouragement. I remember it was hard work and lonely on my bike without Gaz beside me but felt ridiculously pleased to have my own private cheering team.<br />
In the group interview part the facilitator got us to move before we settled to a written and drawing task. Wriggle wriggle..it felt so good and my thinking was much clearer. More peaceful and centered. Bit nervous before that. I have been doing the hokey tokey before I do something creative ever since. It has also reminded me yet again (why do I need so many reminders) of the value of starting your day walking. I have been putting all all these good things in my day when I can but what happened in that session was the connection was made more clearly between mind and body.<br />
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It was a privilege to be with Hamish and Amy( nephew and niece) and see them together. Gorgeous young people. Generous and inspiring. They are on a raw food bender and I have come back with a new appreciation of raw and simple.<br />
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In one of the classes I attended the tutor shared a wee notebook in which she made a daily mandala. It was something she did to support herself when her friend was dying. I have read about this on many blogs and people are very enthusiastic about its value. I have doodled around a bit with it but never got the hang of what it all meant until this weekend.<br />
Where I tripped up was in the making and the intent....I have started off always traditionally, drawn a largish circle and tried to do even patterns all the way around. I found it ok but a bit boring.<br />
This wee book was filled with circles about the size of a large coffee cup circle and filled with whatever came to mind as the person met the page. From pictures to words to marks..scribbles colour.<br />
It was a way of accessing the subconscious and emptying the mind. The circle was a given and contained space. So I tried it. Its like IDT and how I journal but small and contained. I love it and look forward every morning to seeing what appears on the page.<br />
I bought the small sized jasart notebook. $1.65. Spiral bound. Easy. I flicked it around upside down and glued a retro postcard on the cardboard back and made the plastic front its back. Good if you doodle in coffee shops and the table gets wet.<br />
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Cover and first page day 1</div>
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Day 2</div>
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Day 3</div>
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Day 4 at PBO coffee shop with Hana</div>
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What I also did in my other wee book I carry with me<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVxjoiUgy3xR-HV75SRQxOOC8a_QEbiLUKR6R32exhjXYPZnQSQ72gfvFdykrH9mKA1HUZjZvpoXdv8GTyniz1a1I4r9jd512R5VHZNgv_JPRhljSoOWXHGhxgHzBxuLD4lbHPJS68yAI/s1600/IMG_3797.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVxjoiUgy3xR-HV75SRQxOOC8a_QEbiLUKR6R32exhjXYPZnQSQ72gfvFdykrH9mKA1HUZjZvpoXdv8GTyniz1a1I4r9jd512R5VHZNgv_JPRhljSoOWXHGhxgHzBxuLD4lbHPJS68yAI/s320/IMG_3797.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="320" /></a></div>
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At church - title of a Laurence Aberhart photo</div>
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Pete is painting the house. I have been digging and clearing and gardening around him. Graeme has been repairing and replacing rotten boards and windows. Its starting to feel and look good. Scaffolders in tomorrow and I have a days work this week so far..whew. Pleased about that. Hana and Macker are off to Circulation at Whare flat and Zach has finished school. Some Exams coming up. Mango has had a summer haircut and is very pleased with himself. He looks like a wee bear cub.</div>
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My tomatoes are growing well at least three trusses on most plants sometimes more.</div>
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Keep on swimming keep on swimming keep on swimming </div>
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The two colours old and new</div>
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Petes nifty drainpipe work</div>
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KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-61068621227586656672013-10-18T18:54:00.000+13:002013-10-18T18:54:00.531+13:00Friday<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Gary put this song on my playlist, that I found a few months back. We had had a plan to do these for each other but it got hard and too emotional. Gary persevered and I am richer for it.<br />
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And this ones for CAROL WARNER<br />
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There is softer version at the end of his available light album you might like but havnt found it yet.xKAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-27167469498946482582013-10-17T18:42:00.004+13:002013-10-17T18:42:50.714+13:00CorrectionWell after my well thought out post yesterday about holding it all together and being able to compartmentalise, I went to a study day today for work and completely lost it by lunchtime. It was a day of training around physical health and I just wasn't prepared for the indepth approach to heart and lung disease. I went up stairs at lunch time feeling really shaky, talked to a colleague, then went back down to class heard the words lung disease burst into tears and left the room. The very last thing I ever wanted to do. Made a noddy of myself and have been bawling off and on ever since. Cant really predict my days. I don't like to plan ahead for that very reason. Prefer spontaneous activity. I had a lovely colleague who sat with me and talked for a bit, after that and I managed to get home. Picked Zach up some drum skins , ones that dull the beat as the neighbours have had a meeting:-/. Headed out into my yard moved firewood and some dirt behind my shed.Beer and homemade wedges for tea.KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-51859747074101001482013-10-16T18:58:00.001+13:002013-10-16T19:08:43.224+13:00Catch upMORNING<br />
I am at my desk in my studio which is in turmoil as I am trying to tidy it and sort through stuff to fit in material that I have bought. A habit I have is op shopping for retro fabric which in my head turns into amazing objects and garments. Some of them have eventuated into garments..a hoody for Zach, some felting for my sister.<br />
Eventually they concretize as there is a point in my collecting in which saturation point is reached.<br />
I love collecting and fantasizing about outcomes. It soothes me to have piles of brightly coloured fabric on my shelves. Its like money in the bank.<br />
It has also been part of how I distract myself in town when overwhelm threatens. I scoot to an Op shop and spend about 10 dollars on fabric, sort through buttons and plan projects. At home the computer can fill that same gap of occupation and distraction.<br />
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I was at work the other night with a client in the activity room and found myself for no reason I could identify, transported back to Noosa.<br />
Gary and I were standing in the lobby of the Sheraton booking in. I was totally there and I could feel the panic starting. There is a conflict inherent in these situations. If I was at home I would visit that place if I was in an ok space, weep and process. It has to be a place of safe remembering. Not really in the plan at work. I was sitting at the table with my client when the panic made itself known. A split second decision saw me reach for a journal which was beside me and I started writing and wrote a page quickly. In the process I wrote past the panic. It was a valuable tool. The client asked me what I was writing and I explained without detail that I had thought of something that I needed to write down. We had talked about journaling earlier. I showed him that it was my book of ideas where I wrote and collected stuff and showed him part of the writing to reassure him. I realized it looked as though I was writing about him. Probably not the best habit at work but in that moment ,very helpful.<br />
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I have missed writing as I havnt been here blogging regularly. Its like exercise-makes me feel good in the same way. And it takes practice before your body and mind catch up with whats going on.<br />
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AFTERNOON<br />
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How am I this month?<br />
I am learning to compartmentalise. I can talk about Gary and use his name without attaching emotion. Sometimes its not possible and usually depends who Im talking too and how long and where the conversation goes. But I can mainly save it for at home and in private. I still avoid places and people where I know its harder and look after myself. I am still holding myself safe.<br />
I move forward each day and do yucky and hard stuff. Things Gaz always did and that I now have to figure out. I hate it and resent it and bawl the whole time I am doing it but know it will get easier..its so hard to even know where to start with some stuff.<br />
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What I did do today which feels foundational to order is sorted books and bookcases today, it has taken a whole day..so so necessary. Such a relief to have that job done. It has opened up space in my studio and I have been able to roll and rubber band fabric and shelve it. I can now see the Girls quilt fabrics and can start visualising them. I need to see to plan, things in boxes are tidy but useless really.<br />
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Monday, I started digging out the clay behind the shed to extend the back out by a metre and a bit. Hard work and I sweated, very satisfying.<br />
I have been biking.<br />
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A tree came down in the big winds of recent and a lovely girlfriend came out and chainsawed it for me. Apparently Wattle do this just tip over. I am thinking Luma Apicualta to replace it.<br />
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It was such a good fall, as it just missed my house, could have been so much worse.<br />
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My house is being painted and rotten windows and boards replaced. I have had Pete and Graeme here and feel so grateful for people whom I trust implicitly. Pete has also unstuck windows, mended latches etc. Many strings to his bow.<br />
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Macker came down two nights ago and got bitten by a spider in the middle of the night. Wee beast! The spider not Mac, so she ended back at A & E for fluids and antibots. Poor thing. I have since hoozled the room thoroughly and put a big of bug repellent where there are suspicious gaps. She stayed again last night with no mishaps.<br />
Zach last few weeks of school-whew hard work keeping him there this year. Busting to get cracking on his hairdressing.<br />
Hana is working locally at the cafe and the Pub.:-)<br />
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I have been working a bit. Enjoying work but get tired very quickly. I realized today as I was hanging out the washing that I havnt stopped for a long long time. I got sick again a week ago- urgh painful. Its a good message - deal with stuff lying around and rest when you can. The problem with casual is when you are sick, there is no income. Im looking for the right job and in the meantime feel in the right place. I have an interview for Art therapy in a week and am going to the symposium before hand, Looking forward to that :-).<br />
I have nearly finished a Soul Restoration course online. It has kept me well occupied. I loved it. Melody has the right mix of universal and particular and is a great teacher and encourager. I recommend it.<br />
<a href="http://bravegirlsclub.com/">http://bravegirlsclub.com/</a><br />
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Some pages from my wee book.<br />
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AND<br />
Working on my sisters Birthday present<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVTJjBGirfp58HoupQf-Jac6gMZSZNfKW4pDwkj_HuesIhWdSqjJ95xt7U4t3IAFSdmlvkH97ZnbQICw1WH62UbI0D2dnWykc9I6GrZdcUjy8LN_zFDr0JKsL8IZdZXWnrJR3xuOEEOWM/s1600/IMG_3687.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVTJjBGirfp58HoupQf-Jac6gMZSZNfKW4pDwkj_HuesIhWdSqjJ95xt7U4t3IAFSdmlvkH97ZnbQICw1WH62UbI0D2dnWykc9I6GrZdcUjy8LN_zFDr0JKsL8IZdZXWnrJR3xuOEEOWM/s320/IMG_3687.jpg" width="320" /></a><br />
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Felted flowers and wrapped wireKAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-62168639499113052782013-09-21T11:09:00.000+12:002013-09-22T15:50:37.484+12:00Seed BombsMy sister gave me a ball of clay last year that was packed with seeds.<br />
The idea is to biff it out of the car window, as you tootle along and a spattering of flowers will grow where the ball lands.<br />
Last night I got muddled with my words and I used the word Encouragement Bomb to describe something.<br />
My friend twigged and said 'oh you mean Random Acts of Kindness' and yes thats what I was thinking of, but I am quite taken with the idea of an encouragement bomb.<br />
To place courage in someone like wildflowers - that will spring up year after year and regenerate clay banks - stop slippage, feed birds, bees and provide beauty.<br />
So all you gardeners out there, redress your selves in your encouragement bombing outfit and go forth and sprinkle some seeds. x<br />
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This image taken from<br />
http://pandasthumb.org/assets_c/2012/05/wildflowers-1021.html<br />
<img alt="http://pandasthumb.org/images/wildflowers.jpg" height="768" src="http://pandasthumb.org/images/wildflowers.jpg" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" width="1024" />KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-48268868596677502972013-09-20T18:50:00.001+12:002013-09-20T18:50:51.215+12:00Paradigm shiftThis week is coming to an end with the phrase Paradigm shift echoing in my head. Still thinking on that one. I remember being at Art school when the phrase was popularized.<br />
This week - thinking and worlds within worlds shifted slightly in our household. Beautiful collisions in retrospect.<br />
There is some talking and there is some listening from the kids and from me. It isn't a lightening strike change but more of an awakening and a settling all at once. Some good soul work has been done.<br />
I was going to write again about weeping - that hasn't changed. I thought about the nature of it, its purpose, but mainly just wept and got on with life.<br />
I read a comment on Anne Lammots blog from this woman who would find herself sobbing in her husbands clothes and then be able to go out and get the mail and answer the phone and that is how it is. We go on and we function and the tears become part of our daily fabric along with salty skin.<br />
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Yesterday I managed a bike ride and sawed all the branches of the tree that fell in the wind. It felt great to move my body..today much quieter, I have planted a few things and are looking forward to a bath (poor muscles).<br />
The pear is coming out in all its blossom glory and I am trying to write to write a letter of intent for Art Therapy, I can talk it up and talk about it and write to myself all the good words but when it comes to formalizing intent I have a slight resistance. I am paying attention and working on that. Its not about the work..maybe the money to be spent (of course). I am the only one to give permission and I am ultimately responsible..whew.<br />
And the travel, which I will actually enjoy but the leaving home and being by myself..doing this alone.I have always travelled with Gaz.<br />
Permission and courage to do what I want and what I need to do.<br />
I heard someone say ( on tele :-) 'if you aren't scared you aren't sticking your neck out far enough'<br />
Well my neck is like a long necked goose..Honk<br />
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<br />KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-82216165501451785792013-09-02T22:30:00.001+12:002013-09-02T22:30:11.513+12:00PermissionSo many things in my head to write about. I write for myself and in order to understand, along the way its seems to be reaching others. I have looked at few blogs recently where people are writing in their own voice and telling their story. I find I take something from it each time and connect.<br />
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I mowed the lawns over the past two days. Both mowers have been out of action and I just got the hand one fixed. Such a relief as it was haymaking time on my front lawn. I went for a huge bike ride yesterday (well for me). First time back on my bike since I bought it and walked the dog. He was so excited ..poor Mango does it hard when I work.<br />
What I worked through yesterday was turning down work. I was rung in the morning and could have gone in for four hours. Its was a Sunday and the pay is better plus I feel an obligation being casual. I was anxious for about two hours after saying no.<br />
I need to keep reminding myself I am casual for a reason. Rest and repair repair.<br />
I would have forgone my exercise day which felt crucial -now just sore:) - but good.<br />
The sense of having to be responsible for everything, for myself, for the house is huge. I have had the best mate, we balanced each other perfectly in what we took care of.<br />
<br />
I muddle and muddle and remember to trust and have faith and that God is good.<br />
<br />
I am thinking about Art Therapy training next year. I need to do some further training to get to where I need/ want to be and it makes sense. It is in Auckland but low residency which means distance learning, plus weekend workshops.<br />
I have stalked their site for a few years and it feels like the right thing. There are two start dates.<br />
Feb and July. Decisions to be made.<br />
I am not giving up Nursing but will need to figure out how to bring my training more into the picture as I need a placement where Art therapy is part of it.<br />
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My word for the week is Permission and yes a capital P. I now need to give this to myself in every day and way..small decisions and big decisions and be ok with it. I am used to discussing with Gaz and permission coming that way. Self care and owning it is a learning curve.<br />
Permission to make mistakes, accept them and move on. Permission to blab and not hold a grudge against myself for saying stupid things, permission to hole up and rest. Socializing is tiring. Permission to do what is needed. Permission to say no to work when I am tired and feeling yuck..courage to say yes when I want to hide. A big bouquet of permission slips.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjadtaLyvLC6rmy2TFy6keTzUWxY3Re7EL4XqYxOrH2JBJLXyLltKJ2BpfEue-ZBi8sattSgb7KOM_jtcP2jDQyI6KyTxo3dMrxLAF_iAXJ1GXbvWH8H6MjiTtzHuVN0CC0WMOz1G4Cu4/s1600/IMG_3630.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjadtaLyvLC6rmy2TFy6keTzUWxY3Re7EL4XqYxOrH2JBJLXyLltKJ2BpfEue-ZBi8sattSgb7KOM_jtcP2jDQyI6KyTxo3dMrxLAF_iAXJ1GXbvWH8H6MjiTtzHuVN0CC0WMOz1G4Cu4/s320/IMG_3630.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcdHa1SmS-0JCEooTQ5kBcIrmd0eNOKFzyIeUTvhd9W3H2ZU5cNqfttVeEozQcbjUeTIHuKk3M_afelwhIZ-swlxtqLkIiQ2sHqLatnLXRXN7cb9ViW6RjeGaNvcTH-g1JeU3qp9WL1VM/s1600/IMG_3629.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcdHa1SmS-0JCEooTQ5kBcIrmd0eNOKFzyIeUTvhd9W3H2ZU5cNqfttVeEozQcbjUeTIHuKk3M_afelwhIZ-swlxtqLkIiQ2sHqLatnLXRXN7cb9ViW6RjeGaNvcTH-g1JeU3qp9WL1VM/s320/IMG_3629.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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Flowers from the clever Catie</div>
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<br />KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-33357727268132610722013-08-22T21:07:00.000+12:002013-09-17T09:08:52.034+12:00IntrovertI have been having a few conversations lately with people on being an introvert and here is the perfect article. I often feel the need to over explain myself. this article says it all.I think I will print it and pass it out. It will save a lot of time.<br />
<br />
<a href="p://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html">introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html</a><br />
<a href="p://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html"><br /></a>
<a href="p://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html"></a><br />
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<h1 class="title-news" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #111111; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font: normal normal bold 32px/36px Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<a href="p://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html">23 Signs You're Secretly An Introvert</a></h1>
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<img alt="am i an introvert " class="pinit" id="img_caption_3721431" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1306331/thumbs/r-FREEDOM-ALONE-large570.jpg?22" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" width="570" /></div>
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<div class="bN" data-beacon="{"p":{"mnid":"non_floating_share"}}" id="float_tracker" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; float: left; height: 61px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; min-width: 25px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; width: 308px;">
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<div class="slice slice_1" id="badges_v2_1_slice_1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; float: left; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative; width: 57px;">
<a class="badge_v2_facebook_ipad_app hp_network_badge" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html" id="badge_v2_facebook_3831570_1" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://s.huffpost.com/images/badges/badges_trans_v2_blank.png?101127); background-origin: initial; background-position: 0px -145px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: black; cursor: pointer; display: block; font: normal normal bold 14px/16px Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; height: 52px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 1px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 9px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 56px;">174,132</a></div>
<div class="slice slice_2" id="badges_v2_1_slice_2" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; float: left; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative; width: 57px;">
<a class="badge_v2_retweet_ipad_app hp_network_badge" href="" id="badge_v2_retweet_3831570_1" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://s.huffpost.com/images/badges/badges_trans_v2_blank.png?101127); background-origin: initial; background-position: -57px -145px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: black; cursor: pointer; display: block; font: normal normal bold 14px/16px Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; height: 52px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 1px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 9px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 56px;">11,245</a></div>
<div class="slice slice_3" id="badges_v2_1_slice_3" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; float: left; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative; width: 57px;">
<a class="badge_v2_linkedin hp_network_badge" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html" id="badge_v2_linkedin_3831570_1" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://s.huffpost.com/images/badges/badges_trans_v2_blank.png?101127); background-origin: initial; background-position: -231px -145px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: black; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: georgia, verdana, arial; font-size: 18px; font-weight: normal; font: normal normal bold 14px/16px Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; height: 52px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 1px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 9px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 56px;">132</a></div>
<div class="slice slice_4" id="badges_v2_1_slice_4" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; float: left; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative; width: 57px;">
<a class="badge_v2_email_ipad_app" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html" id="badge_v2_email_3831570_1" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://s.huffpost.com/images/badges/badges_trans_v2_blank.png?101127); background-origin: initial; background-position: -114px -145px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: black; cursor: pointer; display: block; font: normal normal bold 14px/16px Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; height: 52px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 1px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 9px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 56px;">12,804</a></div>
<div class="slice slice_5" id="badges_v2_1_slice_5" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; float: left; height: 60px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 5px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative; width: 60px;">
<a class="badge_v2_comments badge_v2_comments_ipad_app" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html" id="badge_v2_comments_3831570_1" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: url(http://s.huffpost.com/images/badges/badges_trans_v2_blank.png?101127); background-origin: initial; background-position: -171px -145px; background-repeat: no-repeat no-repeat; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: black; cursor: pointer; display: block; font: normal normal bold 14px/16px Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; height: 52px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 1px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 9px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; width: 60px;">2537</a></div>
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<div class="share_boxes_new" data-beacon="{"p":{"mnid":"share_boxes_new"}}" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #f9f9f9; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-left-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; float: right; font-weight: bold; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 10px; padding-left: 10px; padding-right: 10px; padding-top: 7px; width: 228px;">
<strong class="title" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #565656; display: block; font-size: 11px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 5px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-transform: uppercase;">GET HEALTHY LIVING NEWSLETTERS:</strong><div class="share_boxes_email" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; width: 228px;">
<input class="share_boxes_input_edit" id="subscribe_user_email" style="border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-left-radius: 2px; border-bottom-right-radius: 0px; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-left-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-top-left-radius: 2px; border-top-right-radius: 0px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; color: #aaaaaa; float: left; font-family: Arial, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 11px; height: 14px; line-height: 14px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 5px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 2px; width: 149px;" type="text" value="Enter email" /><a class="button healthy-living small" data-beacon="{"p":{"lnid":"email"}}" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/20/introverts-signs-am-i-introverted_n_3721431.html" style="-webkit-box-shadow: none; background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: #86c1d0; background-image: -webkit-gradient(linear, 0% 0%, 0% 100%, from(rgb(145, 206, 221)), to(rgb(124, 181, 195))); background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-bottom-left-radius: 0px; border-bottom-right-radius: 2px; border-bottom-style: solid; border-bottom-width: 1px; border-color: initial; border-left-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: initial; border-right-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; border-style: initial; border-top-color: rgb(204, 204, 204); border-top-left-radius: 0px; border-top-right-radius: 2px; border-top-style: solid; border-top-width: 1px; box-shadow: none; color: rgb(255, 255, 255) !important; cursor: pointer; display: inline-block; float: left; font-family: Arial; font-size: 10px; font-weight: bold; height: 14px; line-height: 14px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 2px; position: relative; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-transform: uppercase; vertical-align: middle; width: 70px; zoom: 1;">SUBSCRIBE</a></div>
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<div class="read_more with_verticals clearfix" data-beacon="{"p":{"mnid":"follow_tags"}}" id="follow_tags" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; display: block; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 16px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; position: relative;">
<div class="float_left follow_tags_headline normal_weight" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; float: left; font-weight: normal !important; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 5px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<div class="float_left arial_11 bold uppercase" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; float: left; font-family: Arial; font-size: 11px; font-weight: bold !important; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-transform: uppercase;">
FOLLOW:</div>
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Think you can spot an introvert in a crowd? Think again. Although the stereotypical introvert may be the one at the party who's hanging out alone by the food table fiddling with an iPhone, the "social butterfly" can just as easily have an introverted personality.</div>
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"Spotting the introvert can be harder than finding Waldo," Sophia Dembling, author of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/The-Introverts-Way-Living-Quiet/dp/0399537694" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">"The Introvert's Way: Living a Quiet Life in a Noisy World,"</a> tells The Huffington Post. "A lot of introverts can pass as extroverts."</div>
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People are frequently unaware that they’re introverts -– especially if they’re not shy -- because they may not realize that being an introvert is about more than just cultivating time alone. Instead, it can be more instructive to pay attention to whether they're losing or gaining energy from being around others, even if the company of friends gives them pleasure.</div>
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“Introversion is a basic temperament, so the social aspect -- which is what people focus on -- is really a small part of being an introvert," Dr. Marti Olsen Laney, psychotherapist and author of "The Introvert Advantage," <a href="http://www.mensafoundation.org/what-we-do/education-and-outreach/conversations-with-mensa-podcast/introverted-advantages/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">said in a Mensa discussion</a>. "It affects everything in your life.”</div>
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Despite the <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">growing conversation </a>around introversion, it remains a frequently misunderstood personality trait. As recently as 2010, the American Psychiatric Association even considered classifying <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/self-promotion-introverts/201008/giant-step-backward-introverts" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">"introverted personality"</a> as a disorder by listing it in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5), a manual used to diagnose mental illness.</div>
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But more and more introverts are <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/susan_cain_the_power_of_introverts.html" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">speaking out</a> about what it <em style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-style: italic !important; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">really</em> means to be a "quiet" type. <strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">Not sure if you're an innie or an outie? See if any of these 23 telltale signs of introversion apply to you.</strong></div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 13px; font: normal normal normal 15px/21px Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 18px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">1. You find small talk incredibly cumbersome.</strong></div>
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<img alt="chatting" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1306952/thumbs/o-CHATTING-570.jpg?1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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Introverts are notoriously small talk-phobic, as they find idle chatter to be a source of anxiety, or at least annoyance. For many quiet types, chitchat can feel disingenuous.</div>
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“Let's clear one thing up: Introverts do not hate small talk because we dislike people," Laurie Helgoe writes in <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Introvert-Power-Inner-Hidden-Strength/dp/B00CVDR4FS" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">"Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength."</a> "We hate small talk because we hate the barrier it creates between people.”</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 13px; font: normal normal normal 15px/21px Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 18px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">2. You go to parties -– but not to meet people.</strong></div>
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If you're an introvert, you may sometimes enjoy going to parties, but chances are, you're not going because you're excited to meet new people. At a party, most introverts would rather spend time with people they already know and feel comfortable around. If you happen to meet a new person that you connect with, great -- but meeting people is rarely the goal.</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">3. You often feel alone in a crowd.</strong></div>
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Ever feel like an outsider in the middle of social gatherings and group activities, even with people you know?</div>
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"If you tend to find yourself feeling alone in a crowd, you might be an introvert," says Dembling. "We might let friends or activities pick us, rather than extending our own invitations."</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">4. Networking makes you feel like a phony.</strong></div>
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Networking (read: small-talk with the end goal of advancing your career) can feel particularly disingenuous for introverts, who crave authenticity in their interactions.</div>
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"Networking is stressful if we do it in the ways that are stressful to us," Dembling says, advising introverts to network in small, intimate groups rather than at large mixers.</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">5. You've been called "too intense."</strong></div>
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<img alt="book nietzsche" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1306399/thumbs/o-BOOK-NIETZSCHE-570.jpg?1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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Do you have a penchant for philosophical conversations and a love of thought-provoking books and movies? If so, you're a textbook introvert.</div>
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"Introverts like to jump into the deep end," says Dembling.</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">6. You're easily distracted.</strong></div>
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While extroverts tend to get bored easily when they don't have enough to do, introverts have the opposite problem -- they get easily distracted and overwhelmed in environments with an excess of stimulation.</div>
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"Extroverts are commonly found to be more easily bored than introverts on monotonous tasks, probably because they require and thrive on high levels of stimulation," <a href="http://www.todmanpsychology.org/resources/The%20Experience%20of%20Boredom%20-%20The%20role%20of%20Self-Perception%20of%20Attention%20(Damrad-Frye%20%26%20Laird,%201989).pdf" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">Clark University researchers wrote in a paper published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology</a>. "In contrast, introverts are more easily distracted than extroverts and, hence, prefer relatively unstimulating environments."</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 13px; font: normal normal normal 15px/21px Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 18px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">7. Downtime doesn’t feel unproductive to you.</strong></div>
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<img alt="home lounging coffee" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1287319/thumbs/o-HOME-LOUNGING-COFFEE-570.jpg?6" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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One of the most fundamental characteristics of introverts is that they need time alone to recharge their batteries. Whereas an extrovert might get bored or antsy spending a day at home alone with tea and a stack of magazines, this sort of down time feels necessary and satisfying to an introvert.</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 13px; font: normal normal normal 15px/21px Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 18px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">8. Giving a talk in front of 500 people is less stressful than having to mingle with those people afterwards.</strong></div>
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Introverts can be excellent leaders and public speakers -- and although they're stereotyped as being the shrinking violet, they don't necessarily shy away from the spotlight. Performers like <a href="http://www.hollyscoop.com/lady-gaga/lady-gaga-admits-she-doesnt-fit-in-to-hollywood-scene.html" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">Lady Gaga</a>, Christina Aguilera and Emma Watson all<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/13/famous-introverts_n_3733400.html" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">identify as introverts</a>, and an estimated <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/05/an-introverts-office-surv_n_3670946.html" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">40 percent of CEOs</a> have introverted personalities. Instead, an introvert might struggle more with meeting and greeting large groups of people on an individual basis.</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 13px; font: normal normal normal 15px/21px Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 18px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">9. When you get on the subway, you sit at the end of the bench -– not in the middle.</strong></div>
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<img alt="sitting alone subway" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1306313/thumbs/o-SITTING-ALONE-SUBWAY-570.jpg?1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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Whenever possible, introverts tend to avoid being surrounded by people on all sides.</div>
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"We're likely to sit in places where we can get away when we're ready to -- easily," says Dembling. "When I go to the theater, I want the aisle seat or the back seat."</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">10. You start to shut down after you’ve been active for too long.</strong></div>
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Do you start to get tired and unresponsive after you've been out and about for too long? It's likely because you’re trying to conserve energy. Everything introverts do in the outside world causes them to expend energy, after which they'll need to go back and replenish their stores in a quiet environment, says Dembling. Short of a quiet place to go, many introverts will resort to zoning out.</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">11. You're in a relationship with an extrovert.</strong></div>
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<img alt="couple having fun" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1306786/thumbs/o-COUPLE-HAVING-FUN-570.jpg?1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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It's true that opposites attract, and introverts frequently gravitate towards outgoing extroverts who encourage them to have fun and not take themselves too seriously.</div>
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"Introverts are sometimes drawn to extroverts because they like being able to ride their 'fun bubble,'" Dembling says.</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 13px; font: normal normal normal 15px/21px Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 18px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">12. You'd rather be an expert at one thing than try to do everything.</strong></div>
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The dominant brain pathways introverts use is one that allows you to focus and think about things for a while, so they’re geared toward intense study and developing expertise, <a href="http://www.mensafoundation.org/what-we-do/education-and-outreach/conversations-with-mensa-podcast/introverted-advantages/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">according to Olsen Laney</a>.</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">13. You actively avoid any shows that might involve audience participation.</strong></div>
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Because really, is anything more terrifying?</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">14. You screen all your calls -- even from friends.</strong></div>
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<img alt="iphone finger" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1273375/thumbs/o-IPHONE-FINGER-570.jpg?9" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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You may not pick up your phone even from people you like, but you’ll call them back as soon as you’re mentally prepared and have gathered the energy for the conversation.</div>
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"To me, a ringing phone is like having somebody jump out of a closet and go 'BOO!,'" says Dembling. "I do like having a long, nice phone call with a friend -- as long as it's not jumping out of the sky at me."</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">15. You notice details that others don't.</strong></div>
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The upside of being overwhelmed by too much stimuli is that introverts often have a keen eye for detail, noticing things that may escape others around them. Research <a href="http://www.livescience.com/37427-extroverts-have-different-brain-processes.html" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">has found</a> that introverts exhibit increased brain activity when processing visual information, as compared to extroverts.</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 13px; font: normal normal normal 15px/21px Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 18px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">16. You have a constantly running inner monologue.</strong></div>
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<img alt="business social media" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1260215/thumbs/o-BUSINESS-SOCIAL-MEDIA-570.jpg?6" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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“Extroverts don’t have the same internal talking as we do,” says Olsen Laney. “Most introverts need to think first and talk later."</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">17. You have low blood pressure.</strong></div>
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A <a href="http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17053539" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">2006 Japanese study</a> found that introverts tend to have lower blood pressure than their extroverted counterparts.</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">18. You’ve been called an “old soul” -– since your 20s.</strong></div>
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<img alt="lost in thought" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1306908/thumbs/o-LOST-IN-THOUGHT-570.jpg?5" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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Introverts observe and take in a lot of information, and they think before they speak, leading them to appear wise to others.</div>
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"Introverts tend to think hard and be analytical," says Dembling. "That can make them seem wise."</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">19. You don't feel "high" from your surroundings</strong></div>
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<img alt="concert crowd" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1306902/thumbs/o-CONCERT-CROWD-570.jpg?1" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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Neurochemically speaking, things like huge parties just aren’t your thing. Extroverts and introverts differ significantly in how their brains process experiences through "reward" centers.</div>
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<a href="http://www.livescience.com/37427-extroverts-have-different-brain-processes.html" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">Researchers demonstrated this phenomenon</a> by giving Ritalin -- the ADHD drug that stimulates dopamine production in the brain -- to introverted and extroverted college students. They found that extroverts were more likely to associate the feeling of euphoria achieved by the rush of dopamine with the environment they were in. Introverts, by contrast, did not connect the feeling of reward to their surroundings. The study "suggests that introverts have a fundamental difference in how strongly they process rewards from their environment, with the brains of introverts weighing internal cues more strongly than external motivational and reward cues," explained LiveScience's Tia Ghose.</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">20. You look at the big picture.</strong></div>
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When describing the way that introverts think, Jung explained that they're more interested in ideas and the big picture rather than facts and details. Of course, many introverts excel in detail-oriented tasks -- but they often have a mind for more abstract concepts as well.</div>
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"Introverts do really enjoy abstract discussion," says Dembling.</div>
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<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">21. You’ve been told to “come out of your shell.”</strong></div>
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<img alt="introverts class participation" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/982693/thumbs/o-INTROVERTS-CLASS-PARTICIPATION-570.jpg?6" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; height: auto; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></div>
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Many introverted children come to believe that there's something "wrong" with them if they're naturally less outspoken and assertive than their peers. Introverted adults often say that as children, they were told to come out of their shells or <a href="http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2013/02/introverted-kids-need-to-learn-to-speak-up-at-school/272960/" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">participate more in class</a>.</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 13px; font: normal normal normal 15px/21px Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 18px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">22. You’re a writer.</strong></div>
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Introverts are often <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2007/08/20/business/smallbusiness/20webshifting.html?_r=0" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">better at communicating in writing</a> than in person, and many are drawn to the solitary, creative profession of writing. Most introverts -- <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/13/famous-introverts_n_3733400.html" style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #6aa3b1; cursor: pointer; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none;" target="_hplink">like "Harry Potter" author J.K. Rowling</a> -- say that they feel most creatively charged when they have time to be alone with their thoughts.</div>
<div style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #333333; font-size: 13px; font: normal normal normal 15px/21px Georgia, Century, Times, serif; line-height: 18px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 15px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">
<strong style="border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; list-style-image: initial; list-style-position: initial; list-style-type: none; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">23. You alternate between phases of work and solitude, and periods of social activity.</strong></div>
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Introverts can move around their introverted “set point” which determines how they need to balance solitude with social activity. But when they move too much -- possibly by over-exerting themselves with too much socializing and busyness -- they get stressed and need to come back to themselves, according Olsen Laney. This may manifest as going through periods of heightened social activity, and then balancing it out with a period of inwardness and solitude.</div>
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"There's a recovery point that seems to be correlated with how much interaction you've done," says Dembling. "We all have our own private cycles."</div>
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KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-69063156065809766172013-08-20T10:41:00.002+12:002013-08-20T10:41:48.671+12:00What to remember when wakingI found this poem on Orly Avineri Blog and it it is just beautiful.<br />
What is in my heart this week is fear of moving, of not moving, of waking, of doing, of not doing. Overwhelming at times sadness and the terrible ache of missing that never goes away. My phantom limb.<br />
Having to make some future plans as our system runs on deadlines and wondering where my head will be when I am supposed to start those things.<br />
I have started some gardening which is keeps me interested in going outside.<br />
I am pleased with a course I am doing on-line called soul restoration. It is with Brave Girls Club and is good. Lots to do and complete and fun. I advocate the use of lots of glitter...its soul food.<br />
I have noticed that people are more casual now with the use of Garys name and are talking about him to me as if I too am casual. I read in one of the grief books that 3 months is about the time other people will recover and will expect you to do the same. I have noticed some changes in how people expect me to be. It is still very immediate for me. I cannot imagine myself past where it wont be. It hurts all the time.<br />
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<a href="http://oneartistjournal.com/">Poem David Whyte</a> Link to Orlys Blog<br />
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What to Remember When Waking<br />
by David Whyte • 1999 Many Rivers Press Click<br />
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In that first hardly noticed moment in which you wake,<br />
coming back to this life from the other<br />
more secret, moveable and frighteningly honest world<br />
where everything began,<br />
there is a small opening into the new day<br />
which closes the moment you begin your plans.<br />
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What you can plan is too small for you to live.<br />
What you can live wholeheartedly will make plans enough<br />
for the vitality hidden in your sleep.<br />
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To be human is to become visible<br />
while carrying what is hidden as a gift to others.<br />
To remember the other world in this world<br />
is to live in your true inheritance.<br />
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You are not a troubled guest on this earth,<br />
you are not an accident amidst other accidents<br />
you were invited from another and greater night<br />
than the one from which you have just emerged.<br />
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Now, looking through the slanting light of the morning window<br />
toward the mountain presence of everything that can be<br />
what urgency calls you to your one love?<br />
What shape waits in the seed of you<br />
to grow and spread its branches<br />
against a future sky?<br />
<br />
Is it waiting in the fertile sea?<br />
In the trees beyond the house?<br />
In the life you can imagine for yourself?<br />
In the open and lovely white page on the waiting desk?<br />
KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-29537387998006852772013-08-11T10:35:00.002+12:002013-08-11T11:24:02.012+12:00Sri Lankan Pumpkin curry<br />
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This is all approximate as I am an intuitive cook and its hard to nail down amounts. Mostly just chuck in what you have if you havnt got it substitute.</div>
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I found fresh curry leaves, skinny eggplant and gnarly green chillies at the Indian shop on St Andrew st</div>
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Red onion - saute- two to three small or one large</div>
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add chopped garlic about four cloves</div>
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fresh turmeric-grated, ( two knobs) or ginger about two inches and 1 tsp dry turmeric</div>
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Sri Lankan curry powder about two tablespoons maybe more to taste, I use a cross between Charmaine Solomons recipe and rick steins..basically roasted spices blended and mixed..gives a different flavour</div>
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add fresh tomatoes -maybe four big tomatoes in season or one can in winter-I use ceres</div>
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add four skinny eggplant cook for a bit before pumpkin so pumpkin doesn't break up..squash is yum too and hardly takes any cooking<br />
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I used about half a crown pumpkin skinned and chopped into pieces<br />
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at same time you add eggplant add a medium can of pure coconut milk..I used ayam because it is just coconut no fillers</div>
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fresh or dried curry leaves</div>
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squeeze lime or lemon to taste</div>
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1 tsp brown sugar</div>
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1 tsp salt or what ever you fancy</div>
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chopped green chillies or red fresh what ever you have</div>
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soak a handful cashew nuts for about half an hour .Drain most of water leave some and then puree and add to pot<br />
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I was thinking after that it would be good to grill the eggplant in the oven first, then add all in the pot at same time as the mixture has a tendency to stick on the bottom of the pot</div>
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if more liquid is needed add fresh vege stock or half a cube and some water I use the Rapunzel brand</div>
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Coriander on top at end and you could fry dried onions crisp. I added fresh limes chopped up last night as I like them to squeeze over the curry</div>
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just play with it..basic stock is the curry powder , coconut milk and tomatoes and then a little sweet and some sour</div>
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Kaffir lime leaves would also be good - shredded in and coriander root chopped in it..when I have plenty I do that</div>
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KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-44490680727816310832013-08-09T10:28:00.002+12:002013-08-09T10:28:44.650+12:00ObituaryThere wil be an obituary in tomorrows (10th of August) Otago Daily Times for GAZ.KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-13141127381778163862013-07-31T19:30:00.000+12:002013-07-31T19:30:59.308+12:00WholeheartednessI have been pondering this thought this week amongst many others. Integrated is my favourite word of the week.<br />
Talk and thoughts this week in the home, centre around the disbelief that Gary is gone..it is too big and too enormous to comprehend and in conversation with people I will say ' yes I guess we will find a way and yes bird by bird and yes I am doing that and yes millenniums of people have gone before me on this trail', but I now understand the idea of being blinded by grief and even though you think you are making good decisions ..really I dont actually know.<br />
I just keep moving and telling myself truths. He's gone, he left us, he died, because it is all too weird and and my head cant always make sense of things. Every time I move forward for me, I grieve for the loss of the space that was.<br />
Everytime I dress up nice or cook yummy food or record something on tele I grieve more..extra grieving on what is already there.<br />
I do stuff like go out with friends because it is a good thing to practise and I know they have a plan are making an effort..I get worried in saying no all the time that people will stop caring or ringing but it is an effort and I often dont know until half an hour before an event how I will feel and if I will be able.<br />
I started back at work this week four shifts..welcomed back. People are kind kind.<br />
I feel my boundaries are not strong yet and I need to work on that..it will come and I am swearing more than I should.<br />
The pain of no Gary is the price of wholeheartedness. Ths was a decision I clearly remember making at least 10 years into marriage. Zach was a baby.<br />
Gary was going for partner in an Accounting firm and being very social and traveling frequently. I was post babies and starting back at school, learning about Art. Lots of stuff in out marriage got taken for granted. We loved each other but I think not as in love. There were a few years where things went pear shaped and I made some poor decisions.<br />
I look at this time with no big regret - some small, as it shaped me into a stronger person and one who decided to be wholehearted. It took me while and involved me loving not only Gary but beginning to love my self, to integrate. A difficult but worthwhile challenge. Before this I think I loved with 3/4 of my heart and kept a little bit back for a rainy day.<br />
The last couple of years have felt more than wholehearted, but Im not sure what the word is..it has been a sacrificial space to be in and becomes greater than you and your needs.<br />
But the thought of trading this grief for a less than wholehearted love..no I wouldn't do that.<br />
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<br />KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5283215767064450045.post-50155918525319654662013-07-24T18:28:00.002+12:002013-07-24T18:28:51.849+12:00Self Care<br />
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This is good and in the last week I have had to practice it a few times especially the saying no part. Its hard especially when people want to see you and are kind, but this last week has been a week of weeping and a need to keep to myself. I risk offending people and am still not certain how to be gracious. I am learning humility in peoples ongoing kindness and generosity..its a hard learning curve. </div>
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I still get scared speaking up for myself.</div>
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In the last week I have been to Chch and back, cooked dinner for a friends birthday and had a day back at work in my old ward. </div>
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It was ok. I was fretful about starting, it felt like the beginning of the rest of my life and even though I enjoy working and the work, it was challenging as it really is no longer an option; and its me taking care of me and a few others in my household.</div>
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It was hard coming home, last time I worked, I came home to Gaz. The new normal is wearing thin.</div>
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Sunday I went to church..couldn't quite pull my self together, came home felt the same and made the decision to head out into the vege garden. As I pulled my hoody on, people arrived who I had to say no to and it was hard.. but a good decision for me as the Garden was so therapeutic. I needed extra daylight hours, as I wanted to stay in it.</div>
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I went back today and weeded and mulched and built sides and dug yams. It is almost ready for planting..feels and looks good. My body feels better for moving. </div>
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<a href="http://melodyross.typepad.com/my_weblog/2009/01/you-will-fly-again.html">you will fly again</a> Melody Ross</div>
KAT ADL'Shttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18207087848010028220noreply@blogger.com3