Sunday, May 5, 2013

Coal in my bucket

I feel as if I am in a Bubble at the moment held by all the love that came in the last week. So many people who care. I am also slightly anesthetized..its good how our bodies instinctively know what to do to take care of us.  I am no longer anxious or fearful. I am with the sadness and just doing what I need to do each day. Its surreal at times. My head is a bit slow and fuzzy, I don't yet have energy but still walking in a straight line of my choice. I know things will change as I am protected at the moment. Mindful living is helping. Not thinking back or forward but appreciating the moment and Gary is everywhere. My house is filled with beautiful flowers, my coal bin has been topped up(I think?) who did that? and when did it happen?

My friend Ruth who flew from the UK for three days, left this morning. She helped me find a bike to buy yesterday and we found a good one with help from Erin at R and R. She is a very kind and knowledgable young woman. If anyone is thinking of buying a bike ask for her.

I have three ferns in my driveway which I am tending.Some money was donated towards them for me from anonymous peoples????? I have had a few guesses. The guys we hired them off are coming to plant them on Tuesday. I am trotting down the drive every day and watering them.This drizzle is perfect.
They used to be called Designer trees ( Kaikorai Valley rd) and changed their name to something I cant quite remember, but will get the name and post it as they are going above and beyond what is necessary for me in regards the trees.(found it -Trees of the World)
Many Many thank you's for all the gorgeous food, help with the hall, my house. The cards.
Thank you to all the people who came, Gary would have loved it. I clicked through to the funeral page that was streamed live and it was strange to see our grief made so public. 
I have struggled with that at times.  I watched just some of it with Ruth and then shook my head and said this is so Gary and exactly as he wanted and then it felt good and was ok.
 Gaz loved his TV.
Thank you to the Aussies that flew in. x


  1. I am so glad to hear how you are doing. l am not surprised by all the love you are receiving.

    you and gary so loved by all. you have been so brave and a source of inspiration beyond words.

    Sending my love, ruth w.

  2. Kat - it was a privilege to be with you and your family on Thursday, and you have already said what I was going to say - that Gary was there, here, throughout. Pitch perfect, and Gary to a "T" (that's not a very good pun). We are thinking of you a lot, and we will be in touch. love R, C, T, and J xxx

  3. Hi Kat, As per comments above. Glad you are taking things day by day. Looking forward to catching up this week. Donna XX

  4. Hi luv YOur mud analogy is so right ' It's also the wee engine going up the hill " I think I can ,I think I can------until it becomes " I knew I could , I knew I could" ------

    LOve and hugs


Hi I love to receive comments and will endevour to reply either on this page or your blog.Kat