Monday, May 6, 2013


I wrote this to someone on the synovial blog who was struggling. I am posting it again to see how it sits for me.

Love for you coming from New Zealand.We are lying here early in the morning in the hospice thinking and talking about you.
My favourite Children's book is called 'going on a Bear Hunt' I like the bit where the characters are contemplating going through a big mud pool.They cant go over it or around it, they have to go through it. I always think of grief as like this mud pool. It is risky and messy and leaves stains. It isn't something you choose to do and it is difficult to keep your footing, but eventually you get through.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and thoughts. Kat - thank you for sharing this analogy. It really made me pause and think, and helped me.

I am pleased.I find it really helpful. I often use story and metaphor in order to understand where things are. If I try to think too much about the reality,I forward think and don't stay present and then the panic starts.
Story is a way for me to connect wider and imagine in a different way. Frodo and Sam Gangee are good too..that last climb up the mountain when Sam has just been pushed away by Frodo and he remembers why he was here and how much Frodo and the quest means and he pushes through rescues and carries Frodo.That is good too.I never thought I would ever use a Rings metaphor more of Narnia girl..but it keeps popping up. x KAT

I dont know that story is where I am at present, but the mud pool still resonates. No overwhelm just lots of whelm. Went to the bank today to sort stuff ,drop things at the funeral directors, some art supplies for a course ( my hearts not in it yet but I will start anyway and see where it takes me) Part of my distraction plan. One inch at a time. Hana and Zach helped me, they seemed to know alot about spray cans and nozzles hmm. 
Hana and both heard Gary loudly and clearly today saying the same thing at the same time.Zach hummed bright eyes out of the blue didn't know why... didn't know where it came from and didn't know anything about the song or my journal entry. Said it just popped into his head. The fantails are back calling to me this morning. 
Zach and I had fish and chips for tea, watched Game of Thrones and had baths.


  1. One of the special moments at Gary's service was the two fantails fluttering by (very purposefully) when he was carried into the hearse.

  2. I think I'm doing too much forward thinking and panicking! Good comment. And I really like the fact I can look to Tolkein for guidance! Bonus! The journal has been wrapped up for the boys to give me for Mothers Day!! Donna

    1. awesome Donna you are clever. The panic will come and go..its being aware of it that matters and it sounds as if you recognize it .Panic is ok at times it protects us, but if we live with fear it robs us of potential beauty in the moment. Not good. Mindfulness comes from a Buddhism and is a buzz word in Psychiatry these days..the christian application is 'rejoice in this day the Lord has made. It focus's you on where you are at so you dont miss it.


Hi I love to receive comments and will endevour to reply either on this page or your blog.Kat