A good week

The sun has made a few appearances, spring is definitely here.
I went to the gardens in the week and was momentarily stunned by the magnolias..the size and colour and form are something to see and wonder at.
I took Gary back with Macker and Zach on Sunday(after church) and we wandered. Gary and Mac in one direction Zach and I in the other. Zac and I ended up at the bird cage with Zach informing me about the habits of the parrots he identified.
And then a yummy lunch at a Vietnamese restaurant down town. Needless to say gary and I were exhausted by all this goodness and did some serious napping when we got home. Great to be out and about thou. Gary is feeling so much better and has made a decision to pop his head up above water.

We are enjoying Rick steins far Eastern Odessy on tele and I have bought the cook book to inspire some yummy dishes. So far have made Redang curry, delicious!
Achievement around the house this week;
- Studio finally sorted and tidied
- Chicken coop strengthened; to stop the wee dog pushing thru for snacks and the annoying brown chooky escaping into my vege garden. Gaz made a gate and put up tin. :-). We are both feeling good for the activity.
- Glasshouse and surrounding area prepared and ready for tomatoes
- Stuff stuck into my art projects book, so I can find and refer to it when drifting around wondering what to do to occupy myself..those times when housework just doesnt cut it!

Off for three days study tomorrow. I have to say the SDHB are good employers. The new Grad programme is a gift.

Pet Bananas, Mushy play lists and spring

About two weeks ago Gary called out to me from the kitchen "whats this? ". Me being in the far end of the house called back" I have no idea Gary, I cant see it,what does it look like?'

(This does happen a fair bit these days as Gary goes from A To B purposefully and rarely visits C unless he has to. Too sore, too sick).

He called back "Well its small and its brown... it looks like a Pet Banana".

 I came through to the kitchen rather quickly at that stage as I assumed Gary had taken the wrong medication, but no he was simply making comment on my wee bit of banana that I had left on the bench. I eat small pieces of Banana when I take my glucosamine and fish oil it makes then easier to swallow, so we usually have bits in our fruit bowl. Since Gary has been home he is much more interested in the regular daily activities of the house. 

I looked at him  'Gary, what! are you talking about' He pointed at the banana end and and said ' this this here, your pet banana, it sits around like a pet and hangs about waiting for something to happen, what do you want to do with it?  I got the giggles, examined it (good for another round I thought) and put it back in the fruit bowl.

But since then I have become aware of many other things in our house that the Banana could keep company with. Lots of things that have become pets, but not ones that give much back,like the lovely spacey faithfully purring for Gary each time he lies down. Books furniture magazines and clothes, kitchen stuff.. I started sorting and tidying and chucking stuff out (yes me the recycling queen) out with it..feels good too. I have been gardening (rose pruning and weeding), started some paintings just backgrounding quickly and cooking good food for Gaz.

My kitchen has had a sort out and it feels great, underneath the fridge and those fun jobs.

Gaz got home from his forth round on Saturday, I picked him up and bought him home. So good to be able to do that. I have had good shifts and it has been working out ok. This has been the best round so far as I was off Friday and return to work Wednesday so have been able to be Gary's arms and legs. He really cannot manage on his own until at least Wednesday but muddles through if there is no choice.

The Chemo is working and shrinking the tumours in his Lungs, not all of them and they havnt all disappeared. But there is more time.

Gaz will decide next week whether to continue the chemo. At this stage the oncologist feels that it has done its work and its unlikely to do any more..but nothing is certain and no-one knows, its all estimates and guesswork. (albeit informed guesswork). We will find out if there are any further options of chemo in the future at our appointment.

It is so cruel and while it shrinking tumours and we are 'relieved' I think that is the right word..we are also so so deeply sad. Gary's quality of life at present is marginal. He has no energy and feels sick and tired all the time. There has really no pick up period between chemo cycles like last time. 

The Olympics were a great distraction.

We have been making play list for each other which as I completed mine realized that it is nearly impossible to make a lists of songs that are exactly right and communicate what you want to say... mine was a bit mushy..I have to rejig some. Think I needed a bit of ACDC in it. 

One of songs I put in it was this one by Emmylou Dolly and Linda and its a keeper.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX7pV4FlwMc I do love it. 

Every day is Bird by Bird.

We had a weekend away in Oamaru a few weeks ago stayed in PEN-Y-BRYN Lodge.

I would recommend it. We took books and slept and read and ate. I didn't know I was so tired until we got there, we both came back feeling like we could face things again and that we had had a real break. The weekend was courtesy of Koorb consulting, a thank you for Gaz for a job. Big thanks to them!

We went out to Mud sweat and tears at Wingatui and watched Zac and Brandon slide around. Had lunch on friends...Kimbo. Kath Paul and Barb..nice chops from Silverfern Farms and salads-Yum. 

Always handy having event orientated generous friends.:-)

Friends and family  have been fantastic, cooking for us, walking my dog, helping with deck plans driving Gaz to chemo when I am working, ringing emailing. I am afraid I am not very good at replying at the moment to texts and enquiries, so I hope this answers and few of those unanswered ones that have passed by.

xx

28.8.12 (the next morning)
Gaz would like me to write that he has decided he has a good quality of life and that it is all relative. He says he is enjoying his food, having good conversations and reading some good books. I am pleased that comment challenged him.We are both enjoying the birds which are in our blossom tree every morning.It is right out side our bedroom window and we can sit with cups of teas and watch them feed on the nectar..it is very entertaining.At the moment he is looking forward to Port Salute and relish on toast and is quite animated about it.

Hoorah

 Oh Yeah and Calvin..Gary wants to chop that Gum tree out..lol who knew!

Gary and I gardened today and tidied and cleaned up stuff..We had the best day thanks to these "fellas" and are feeling the Love.

Some stories to tell and photos to post

The first story is one of a pillow case with names and pictures that the lovely Lynn Taylor organized for Gaz. He loves it. And the colour suits him, which is always a bonus. It is for his Chemo so he has friends with him when he is in hospital. The second pillow case got pinned on the wall and people drew on it. I still need to Photograph that one.

The second story is of paint and brushes and garden gnomes that actually garden and chop wood. There was a huge quantity of garden gnomes and their friends in my garden and house in the weekend..it is totally transformed. Walls are painted, wood is chopped and stacked..trees have been trimmed cut and timbered. Fences built.

Its a funny thing seeing so many people on a mission for good. Gary was very pleased to see all his friends. Photos posted tomorrow.

The third story is one of food and care.

Over the past two years we have been well looked after food wise..this weekend cakes and squares arrived from ChCh which were demolished enthusiastically by hungry gnomes and painters..Preserves and delicious lemon Curd form Oamaru. Cheeses rolls and bacon and egg pies..now I know some came from Oamaru, and I am fairly certain the rest came from Timaru with more baking..if we were a small continent it would be fairly international....So a big thank you from me to all the wives behind those good men..where would they be without you!!! You know who you are.

And a huge thank you to everyone who came and who participated in helping in all the ways and forms this weekend..whether by actively being here or giving your men space to be here..it is much appreciated and makes a huge difference to what we are now able to do to the section. We can tidy and puddle and sort. It was all a bit overwhelming before. Gaz and I are a bit tired this week..been a big few weeks all up but we are looking forward to some gardening on friday and we actually feel enthusiastic.

Ooohh almost didnt mention mention the delicious Ham, Bacon AND Steak from Campbell's Marvellous Butchery in Oamaru,,the sausages are stashed safely in the freezer...mmmm I have been eating ham and sheeps feta on toast every day for lunch. Delicious!

The lovely Gazza and his super Purry Cat

This week is feeling settled. Last week was quite busy getting through Chemo and adjusting the drug regime all over again. Gaz doing really well despite feeling sick and sad and sore. He had a hairy day mid week when he was quite sore and unsure of what to do, but he picked up the phone and rang the Pain team at the hospital and they are great. This morning we had the community team from the hospice visit and check in with us about what we needed and what they were able to assist with. There is alot of support out there which is comforting.
We had a great meal last night with our dear friends which was heartwarming. We lit the fire in the lounge and ate good food and chatted. So nice to be able to cook a nice meal for them.We have been well taken care of lately with meals dropped off.
We are in the middle of organizing some things to be done to our house to finish it off so we can swan about the countryside doing things we like. The Oamaru Old Boys Dream Team are flying and driving in to complete essential tasks. I think I will make a few fruit cakes.
I only have two days of work this week and its my birthday so thats exciting..yaah. My wee sis flying down from Welly with her folks..looking forward to that.

GARY

Ok so I havnt blogged in a while and the reasons are..I have started my new job and feel a little time poor, although the hours the great and the job is good and the staff are supportive.
I catch up on everything else on my days off and even thou they are plentiful they are never enough..how does that work?
I have been distracted lately waiting for Gary's scan to happen.The week before its almost impossible to concentrate on anything and we just circle around things. Furniture, the dog who seems to always be close to our feet, each other and big highlighted circles appear around around thoughts and words that seem so clumsy and inadequate.
This time it was harder, as it was the sort of scan that defines what happens next.
In between scans when news is good we live in a bubble. An enclosed space of protection.
This weeks news changed all that.
Gary has metastases throughout both lungs and of the size that they are impacting his functioning and breathing and he is in significant pain. The news from the scan came the same day Gary was experiencing pain. His back and abdomen went into spasm to protect his lungs as his body was reading signals that this needed to happen.
He has been into hospital and the pain is sorting itself with some new drugs. He is currently working at home and we have been cuddling and playing lots of scrabble.
I can write this now as I feel calm. People are praying for us. I know this because you can feel when the prayer kicks in..it is the most amazing feeling. I think it is a bit like Gary's horse tranquilizer he was given when he first went into hospital. Gary and I decided that prayer anesthetizes our heart pain. The whole world needs more of it.
We are both looking forward to chemo which seems a contradiction in terms but it is an extended life life for Gaz. It will shrink the tumours and give him quality of life back. Gary really is an amazing person to be with. He is funny kind supportive, did I say kind. His spirit is such a shiny button.
When I was small, my nana used to give me the button tin to sort through and count I always went for the shiny ones and made treasure piles imagining how I might use them. She taught me to sew and I made soft toys with button eyes.
When Hana left home I was so sad, I went to the salvation Army shop in Mosgiel and sorted buttons on the beds at the back for about an hour..it made me feel alot better.
I feel better when I am near Gaz than away.
xx

these are the stories we tell ourselves

It really good..Im amazed at how easy the process has been. Doors keep opening and I go through.
Its great, I love it.
Occasionally with certain people I share my uncertainty..mainly that sometimes I am scared. Performance failure..people will guess that Im not really a Nurse but an Artist after all. It will be to do with the fact that I ask questions out loud, that I speak too much or light up around paint.
After my first longer stretch on the ward this last week, I started to find my voice and feel a little more confident. I am looking forward to going back and seeing what is happening with people. I have a plan for the Activity room and am starting to restock it and have taken my Art journals in..two clients were a little engaged with the idea which encouraged me.
I like caring for people, I like puzzles and helping people figure out stuff.
The doors that keep opening..its true they do..people have been enormously kind and supportive..I never expected any of it.
these days off I am going to do some Art journalling , some reading, have some Quiet time, garden and gather materials (thats the plan anyway) and have my parents for tea.
Track my girls down as I havnt seen them for a while..missing their beautiful faces.