Not going there

I havnt written too much this year. My blog has been filled with things that 'fill' me and 'lift me' , and I have wondered about exposing too much of where my head is at because when I take time to examine my thinkings..they feel like the wild lands of Narnia..mythical animals and all.
But I do think things and then I wonder how it would be to quickly go my computer and write about it. Actually get a chance to catch those random wonderings, pin them down and unpick them later.
What prompted this; is the fact that I am having a small group of people for a potluck to celebrate my birthday. It feels an enormous step after the focus of the year and sometimes when I practice normality it frightens me..this year has been so intense.
I do normal things like dishes and walking and I am feeling content, peaceful, 'anticipatory about happy' and then a fearful thought sneaks up and reminds me of the last year and statistics and numbers. My response is ..NOT GOING THERE..and I push it away.
Its good to practice calm and o.k ness..and I actually do feel that. Everything is fine now and ok, but there is piece of me that associates flippancy with that sort of thinking and tries to remind me that I should be more serious...

And this potluck is about 'me'. Feels strange..the face of it I don't recognize.