Gratitude

I am posting this example because since I have been sharing about gratitude I have have had requests for more information. So here it is. I also got bossy and told people to do it.

If you are involved in any social media activity you will have come across people partaking in gratitude practices, or at least talking about it.

It is something that I have paid attention to for a while but never fully appreciated until the last month. I have at times been quite resistant to it and muttered under my breath about it and the enthusiastic people who have promoted it.

My resistance started when Gary and I were in the hospice.

It was excruciating being grateful for something I didn’t want and had no control over.  And truly everyone without fail was kind and respectful. I actually was truly grateful to the whole organisation and staff and before that the 8C crew,  but a part of me resented being being in the position of owing gratitude as well. The irony is, is that this practice is probably the most useful in particularly trying circumstances.

How I have used it is to equalize the negative. If I got sad or upset or pissed off, I would counteract the negative with a positive. 

It did help and it provided perspective but what it didn’t do was install the joy that ‘the gratitude entusiasts’ talked about.

This last paper in Arts therapy looked at different therapeutic practices, it involved researching and carrying out art therapy interventions on ourselves that reflected the practice.

For positive psychology I chose to really look at and understand the gratitude thing.

This is what I did.

For 21 days (a good length of time to effect change) I  wrote down three things I was grateful for in the day.Things that made me feel pleased or I smiled at.  I used the computer and did this before I went to sleep. I often wrote more.

The second part is the why, it is important to unpack this bit.

Look at the why you are grateful for these things, this is what will make the difference and sustain your motivation and interest in continuing.

Chose at least three a week to unpack and examine the why. I did this every day to get in the swing of it and make sure I was cementing it in; also I was using it as part of my study, which helped.

I also then simplified the words out from that and made a gratitude scroll which concretizes the process and gives you something tangible to have as a reminder and a way to sustain the good feelings from it.

It is obviously not a magic fix for all the brokenness in your world but it’s a start.

It is not about looking for what is wrong it is about noticing what is right and good and what you are grateful for. What brings you joy.

We re told to ‘Enjoy this day the Lord has made’.

so hurrah! permission to enjoy life.

I have found that it has a promoted a sense of wonder, I am more mindful, noticing the good allows you to sit with it and savour it. It slows you, quiets you and as you look and be with the day, the good moments lengthen. It is simple, profound and it works.

Example of what I did and how

Part one the recording

21 DAYS OF GRATITUDE

Day 1) Friday

Grateful for the Plunket ladies and their optimism in what we are doing

Grateful for a silly dance at Mitre 10 with mum

Grateful for silly songs on the radio that make me dance

Grateful I made cauliflower and leek cheese and it is lasting me a few nights, saving me cooking.

For getting over the daffodils and seeing them as people who have passed rather than a reminder of what’s lost. Golden connectivity.

 2) Saturday

Grateful for Girlfriends who paint and inspire me.

Grateful for being included in Gary’s Whanau

Grateful for Amy and Hamish who are so kind

Grateful for the sun today and the kale I picked for lunch

Grateful for the energy to walk this morning

Grateful for my electric blanket

3)Sunday

Church and community

Zach being home tonight

My Dog playing with a toy mouse

Good friends who dog sit and take him for health walks

Ripe Brie

Beaches

Grateful to Patrick who saved cushion inners for me

4)Monday

Grateful for the sun J

Talking and connecting with Ruth in the morning

Yummy soup I could just heat up

Walking with Karen

People texting their beads in

Perseverance

Resilience

Heat pumps

Fresh sheets

5)Tuesday

Grateful for the Physio

Getting some school work done

A phone call with my sister

6)Wednesday

An early dog walk

The garlic poking up

A fresh chooky egg

Yummy beans, salad and roast yams for dinner followed by a buckwheat pancake for supper.

Time in my studio making a picture (daffodils)

This gratitude exercise

Emails from friends

7)Thursday

Conversations with whanau

Kowhai, tuis and bellbirds

My new glasses

8)Friday

Grateful to my Plunket group 

Computer fixed whew

Glasses fixed

Wine with Deborah yum

9)Saturday

Conversations around gestalt with Gill

Nice dogs (ralph at Pete and frizzles)

Organized

10)Sunday

Grateful for Song (made it to church on time)

For Whanau participating in my kowhai drawing

Big sun all afternoon on my back

Mushrooms on toast

11)Monday

Brisk walk with Karen mango on a lead

Talking with and resolution with Zach answer to prayer

12)Tuesday

Grateful for Physio on my back that is helping

Supervision with Prue and ‘move it baby move it’ from Gaz

Therapy with Jill

Lynn coming with her gelatin plate and making prints and stains in the studio

Sue popping in unexpectedly

13)Wednesday

Planted potatoes kids Christmas

Tidied and cleaned house picked flowers

Play list big ray

Sue Tim and Toi’aiga for dinner tears love connection

Risotto

14)Thursday

Getting up early and to a clean bench and clean dishes because Sue did them

Yummy left overs

SUN again hurrah gorgeous still hot day.

Made myself a encouraging playlist

Puss purring on my desk

15) Friday

Grateful for getting through the day and making it home safely (very little sleep last night).

The phrase from Nietzsche ‘when we are tired we are undone by things we conquered long ago’ reminded me that I’m am ok just tired and it too will pass

Hot baths

Catie rang 

 .........................etc

3 good things

Part two the why

I started at day 12

Day one

1) Therapy session - It was good and I am grateful because I bought up a sensitive topic that I had got grumpy about. I was able to ask Jill about it and have her clarify it. In this I showed courage and exhibited a sense of self worth. I was able to ask and be heard. Because of this I was able to share something I had been working through and which I needed a witness. It was liberating and a new thing for me. VOICE.

2) Lyn coming over and bring a gelatine plate to print from. I was pleased someone came to my house and spent time with me. It makes me feel positive about my environment and the space feels active. Spending positive time with a friend making something is something I enjoy. And I gave myself PERMISSION to play after being in town all instead of heading to my computer. I TRUSTed that the creative process would lead somewhere I needed to be and it did. I printed the back of my gratitude scroll. The TRUST AND CREATIVE PROCESS LED SOMEWHERE-CONNECTIONS.

3) Sue popped in unexpectedly. I was grateful as I didn't have to make the effort to reach out and she was happy to be in my space looking at art books while I puddled at my desk and we talked about Psychodrama and Gestalt and Art. Zach and Liana came in and the animals and the room felt full and warm. Nice to have company that wasn’t intense and was activity orientated. RELAXED IN SELF, BEING ME.



Day two

1) Planted potatoes and felt not just ok like last year but pleased. I always planted potatoes for Gary. I thought I might never eat them again when he passed. I often prefer Kumara but had sprouted some Jersey Bennies and they are in the ground, the kids will love fresh potatoes when they come home for Christmas. In the process I looked at my glasshouse and planned for the tomatoes. Another favourite of Gary’s. And I felt pleasure in the thought of growing them. Gratitude for planting and the energy. Gratitude in noticing the difference between last year and now. FORWARD THINKING.

2) Tided house. Sue (Gary’s sister) was coming for dinner with others and I felt pleased to be able to clean and attend to stuff I had been ignoring such as piles of washing. The tolerations were sorted. Result orderly clean house and well prepared dinner so I was relaxed and they felt welcome. I put music on and it made everyone cry but we talked and had good conversation. I was able to express myself in my own way and it was ok.

3) Playlist Big Ray. Gary made this for his dad who has passed. Sue asked for it and I burned a copy today for her. I reflected on the POWER OF MUSIC and how it elicits so much emotion and many good memories. Sue cried but it was ok and I could comfort her for a change. Tim cried and I told him Gary said to harden up Tim and we all laughed. Gary and Tim teased each other constantly. Whanau. I felt like I belonged. BELONGING.

 .........etc

Part three 

Gratitude scroll

Aim is to pick the eyes out of what you have written and put that down.

Plunket ladies and their optimism

a meaningful life

purpose zest enthusiasm

music

dance

the radio

“golden connectivity”

girlfriends who paint and inspire me

whanau

good food

nurturing

warmth of the sun

my electric blanket

dog walks with mango

friends

arts therapy

my garden

sight

ripe brie

perseverance

resilience

the garlic poking up

fresh chooky eggs

time in my studio painting

gratitude exercises

kowhai tuis bellbirds

a prayerful life

therapy with Jill and finding my voice

you’re flying peter

tidy clean house

connection

Talking about Gary

the phrase ‘when we tired we are undone by things we conquered long ago’.

hot baths

softness of the rain

engagements

21sts

weddings

contributing

energy

joy

brave feelings

calm

the south

mindfulness

wisdom

grief

blossom

fresh mint

salsa verde

the smell of rice pudding cooking

puss purring

creativity

space

choice

humour

a dynamic life

So I would suggest Start your list, Then at about day 7 when you've got the hang of that start unpacking some of the things you are grateful for, write a little more on the why

And enjoy.

And lastly some links

Huff Post Good News. (2013). 4 Reasons to join the 21-Day Gratitude Challenge. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/viral-mehta/post_5959_b_4228302.html

Creativity in therapy. (2012). Gratitude Jar an Activity to Focus on Thankfulness. Retrieved from http://creativityintherapy.blogspot.co.nz/2012_11_01_archive.html

Positive psychology for personal relationship and growth. (2014). Well being theory: the PERMA model. Retrieved from http://positivepsychologymelbourne.com.au/PERMA-model

Mind Tools essential skills for an excellent career. (2014). The PERMA Model Bringing Well-Being and Happiness to Your Life. Retrieved from http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/perma.htm